My Kids are Pigs

First of all, don't let these faces fool you!

I decided just right now that my boys are disgusting!

I have a minivan (go ahead, cough, gag, giggle, point fingers and laugh I can take it) and the boys sit in a different spot every trip I'm sure. Well that's super, we like a little randomness in our home. The problem is that this means the mess in the van is not confined to their normal seats. Noooo because that would be too easy and in our house nothing is easy.....ever!

I have been telling the boys for days to clean out the van and get their junk out or I'm gonna throw it all away! Well they know that I really will but apparently didn't care. Today was their last chance and as I drug the trash can to the van they got to work saving their things.

Now you may be wondering what they could possibly have in there, and I want to know too. It turns out that they had enough clothes in the van to provide clothing for an entire preschool. I thought we were doing good on keeping clothes washed (not folded or put away, but at least clean!). Nope apparently they were just stashing their clothes in the van under the seats, in the seat pockets, under their car seats, in the cup holders and any other crack or crevice visible to only their beady little eyes! And there were more stuffed animals and toys in there than you could ever imagine!

Also there must be an unspoken right to leave all spills in the van for the mom to scrape out or stick to later.

Well dang it I quit! That's right I'm done!

We need rules! Here is what I have come up with:


1. You must be in a DOT approved car seat at all times. Five point harnesses will be worn instead of the seat belt option with the boosters. If no one else is riding with us you will use the middle row seats.

2. At no time may you eat, drink, have candy, or even cough or sneeze in my van if it requires tissues. Tissues are not allowed in my van!

3. Hands must remain in your lap the entire time we drive this is to prevent forbidden objects smuggled aboard from flying and hitting the driver, window, unsuspecting passengers or passing vehicles.

4. IF on some odd occasion I do allow you to eat in the car you will be required to count every french fry and estimated bites of all food and sign a hand receipt accepting responsibility for these items. You are responsible for either consuming or disposing of your accurate amount of fries/bites. Any stray fries or other food items found by the Mom will result in having to eat outside of the car in the nearest parking lot regardless of weather.

5. If you are permitted to drink in my van you must hold your drink with a napkin while sipping carefully and place several napkins in the cup holder where your drink will remain at rest until next sip is consumed. Drinking may only take place at stop signs, red lights and other times when the car is not in motion.

6. Any toy from a restaurant is only yours until we exit the vehicle. At this time all toys become the property of the trash can because they are generally trash and I'm tired of finding these cheaply made plastic toys all over the house.

7. Upon exiting my vehicle you will perform an inspection of all areas within the van to ensure there are no crumbs (ant attractors) chunks, paper, plastic, or other debris left behind.

8.Any spills will be attended to immediately upon the van being put in park and before you exit the vehicle.

****Failure to follow these rules will result in very strong leg muscles cause your little butt will be running along side the van on ALL future trips!****