Amber Kidnapped Me

Yep that's the truth no matter what she says. She's a horrible ex-felon and tried to abuse me too. Or not but it makes for a more exciting story.

Fine I'll tell the truth! Amber's kids were gone for a million weeks OR three but who's counting? So we drove four hours each way to meet her in laws and get the girls. The boys started asking are we there yet? I assured them we were. We were there and there and now we're here. They should have been more specific. But if we were there we wouldn't have still be driving right? Common sense boys!!

Before we left Amber asked what was all over the back of my shirt. I had no idea, it wasn't like I could see it! Well it turns out the boys were so sweet the other day to leave a crayon in their pocket and it ruined a load of laundry. Lucky me! So I ran up and threw on another top. On the drive to our halfway mark I realized I was flashing truckers as we drove by cause the seat belt was in just the wrong place! Men designed that no doubt! We got to the truck stop and I realized that I was like the boob queen! Amber assured me my shirt was alright. That was until she sat across from me at the table. She couldn't look at me cause my boob shirt was too distracting! Lucky for me we were at a truck stop. I found a tshirt and went to pay. The lady tried to put it in a bag and I told her no need since I was going to put it on right away. I played the shy, sweet modest girl who was so embarrassed that I had so much boobage showing. It was fun to pretend!

So anyhow on the drive home I jokingly said we should stop and get some of the road flowers that were so pretty! Next thing I know she headed over the rumble strips onto the shoulder, opened my door, unbuckled my seat belt and told me to tuck and roll as she shoved me out! Seriously! I can't make these things up!

I picked a bunch of the pretty orange flowers, pretended I was puking when cars went by though so no one would think we would do something so stupid as to stop to pick flowers! Then we needed more color so a little ways down she stopped so I could get some pinkish/purple ones. More fake puking as I picked some flowers! Then she started telling me the names of flowers and I remarked about her similarities to my grandma who is the only person I know who knows flowers names. (Ok not really but still!) She didn't like it! We stopped at a rest stop and they had some Black Eyed Susans, which I'm sure was named after a victim of spousal abuse. I was gonna pick one but this darn lady was watching me. So I did what any logical person would do. I told Amber to do it! She did!

So here's the final arrangement. Amber has the good pictures on her blog here. (guess she better hurry up and blog that story huh?)



Oh and I almost forgot I took this picture for Burgh Baby's Mama because she has a fascination with creepy looking baby dolls. And while this baby doll wasn't so creepy at first, she was after Amber's daughter ripped her arms and legs off. I just gave her a new body and this is exactly what we delivered to Brandy when we took her the flowers after our drive!




Today I found out that Bowling For Soup is playing with ZZ TOP here in August! I LOVE LOVE LOVE them! They make me laugh. I like to laugh!