The Second Good-Bye Hurts More

Today's the day we get back to reality. We must stop living in a fantasy world where my kids have two parents and I have someone to hold me all night long. Last night I lay curled up to my soldier and tears fell silently for all days that lie ahead. I tried not to cry and I didn't really cry but there were tears in a constant stream running down my face until I finally fell asleep.





Morning came too soon. We got up at 6am and left the house at 7 for our nearly silent 1 1/2 hour drive to the airport. The boys were quiet and content and Kirke and I just rode holding hands and taking long glances at one another.


We arrived at the airport and that's when my stupidity began. Kirke had been driving for the past two weeks so I had no idea where my set of keys had gotten off to. He handed me his keys and then I put them in my purse. Then I decided not to take my purse in because it was a big hassle since we get to to all the way to the gate and wait until he boards the plane.




Anyhow, we went in and Kirke got checked in and then we went to the gate. The gate that Kirke flew out of (and came in on 18 days ago) has a little play area in the waiting area. We took a few pictures and then it was time to board. Saying goodbye again was by far the hardest thing I ever had to do.

This picture was Kirke putting his wedding band on a necklace for me to wear until he returns. The reason he doesn't wear it over there is that he is a mechanic and they can't wear them unless they cover them in electrical tape each day to avoid electrocution and getting his finger ripped off by catching it in the engines of vehicles. He also doesn't wear it when he's home unless its the weekend or he's on leave.

Last time Tayton was fine. Korbin cried for a few minutes and that was it for the most part. This time Tayton was very clingy with Kirke in the airport. And when it was time to say goodbye it was not pretty. Tayton and Korbin stood and waited till they could see their daddy in the window on the jet way.

It was then that I realized that I didn't have the car keys. I was too upset to worry too much. The boys took my hands and we did our best to walk through the airport with our heads held high. Even if it was with tears running down our cheeks. We turned a lot of heads to say the least.

I got to the van and we were lucky that I have a bad habit about locking the car doors and it was unlocked so we were able to get in and get headed home. Tayton cried the whole way home and kept saying "daddy, daddy". He wishes that "this thing in Iraq was over with" so he could have his daddy back. It was heartbreaking.

Today we begin Part 2 of this deployment. There is no more two week breaks in our separation. This is the big part of this deployment. We have over 9 months to go and that will be our longest separation ever. Last deployment he was gone 4 months then had R&R and then did another 7 months before coming home for good. The next 9 months we'll endure because we are a military family. We're strong, we love and trust and appreciate one another and we can make it through this.

Hug your husbands tonight and please make sure your kids daddy's hug them a little tighter tonight for all the boys and girls who don't get to hug their daddy's for months at a time.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm Ready to Learn

Part 1:

This morning we all slept in and I decided since we are getting so close to Kirke heading back to the sandbox that we'd take the day off from doing homeschooling lessons and just relax. I told the boys this plan. They seemed okay with it.

Then we came downstairs and sat down and Korbin had moved a chair right in front of the big United States map we hung last night. He then shouted "I'm ready to learn! Mom or dad come and teach me! I'm ready to learn! Teach me something please!"

Here is a video we took of Korbin after the story above happened but it's pretty cute!

Part 2:

I don't want to watch Muzzy!

We ordered the Muzzy DVDs so that we could introduce Spanish to the boys good and young with hopes of them getting the hang of it and it sticking with them. The package came today and Korbin wanted to have the big, fuzzy green Muzzy toy but then said he doesn't need to watch Muzzy cause he already knows Spanish. "I already know Spanish, uno, dos, tres, cuatro! See!"

Of course I told him to sit his butt down and watch Muzzy and he whined but as soon as it came on he was fascinated. And he's sitting here talking along with the bits of Spanish he does know from watching Dora (I'm guessing) and Sesame Street.

We had Ambers family over after her daughter and a friend's son got out of school and they ALL sat and watched Muzzy over again and didn't act like fools! I'm so impressed we LOVE Muzzy!

Yep that's 5 kids ages 2, 5, 5, 6 and 7! They sat and watched the show and didn't bug each other and even got caught saying a few of the words and dancing in their seats to the songs! Muzzy we love you!

I Think He's Trying to Kill Me

I can't prove it's true but I'm certain the husband is trying to kill me! I have not sat down since breakfast this morning. Mind you we had breakfast at 11 and I ate a ton of oatmeal but that's beside the point. I'm starving and my feet hurt and and I need a shower and I'm sure I pulled a muscle in my leg, foot, shoulder, forearm, neck and probably my hand too!

He decided to mow the back yard cause I'm a lazy wife that hasn't mowed since September and it needed it a month ago it grows like mad on the dogs side of the yard...yeah that's it! Anyhow I decided mowing now might be a bad idea since it's been below freezing a few time lately.

Now I'm wishing I had let him mow the yard. Stupid stupid stupid me! When he came home at first I asked him to please take a few minutes to help me straighten out the garage so that we could fit both cars in there. I'm certain it's not actually meant to put two cars and all of our junk in it at one time but we try. So, after he didn't get to mow the lawn he decided to clean the garage. Anyone who's seen my garage would know this will take more than a few minutes. My few minutes of straightening out that I intended to do turned into a full day of cleaning and going through boxes. I only wanted the bikes and tunnels and tents moved so we could park his raggedy car in there.

Ugh I'm so stupid sometimes! But I'm stupid with a really clean garage and a clean storage room too!

Lucky me.

Geesh now the slave driver demanded dinner! Unfortunately that would require me to either shower and get dressed and do my hair and stuff since I had slaved all day long in the dark and dirty garage. Or I had to cook because all the husband knows how to cook, conveniently, is eggs.

Update: Dinners over, I cooked, we ate, we cleaned up and now I get to sit again three minutes, maybe four if I'm lucky!

Tomorrow is our last day together before Kirke has to get back on a plane. It's also my birthday. It's a little bittersweet that he's home for it but I know it's gonna be a sucky day because I'll be sad. And then Wednesday he's gone for 9 more months. Sigh.

Ten Years too Long

Ten years ago I lost a really important person in my life. As a kid we moved around a lot. Often we ended up staying with my moms parents for periods of time between finding our newest destination. My grandma and grandpa were very close to my brother and I growing up. They always seemed to be there when we needed them most.

When I was about 15 my grandparents bought a second home in Mobile, AL. They spent a few months of the winter down there to escape the Michigan winters. Snow Birds. In January when I was 16 they were in Alabama for the winter we got a call that Grandpa had a stroke. He was okay but it affected his speech and swallowing pretty badly. They had a great supplemental insurance that flew him and Grandma back to our tiny small town airport that is mostly just used for private planes. It was a medical flight and he was accompanied by some medical staff and picked up by an ambulance and taken to the hospital where he was going to be admitted for at least a couple days. If it hadn't been for that extra insurance plan they had purchased who knows how they would've gotten home.

I had just moved from my moms house to live with my Dad in the next town over about a month before that day. The family asked me if I could spend the weekend at Grandma's house with her so she didn't have to be there alone. My dad (although it was my mom's parents) graciously stepped aside and allowed me to spend what ended up being the next two and a half years of my life with my grandparents.

This was no small sacrifice for my dad. He and I were always close and when he finally had his turn to have me full time in his home he simply saw a need greater than his own and was more than willing to accommodate that need. He was really wonderful though this as his weekend of me away turned into a lifetime. My grandparents needed help in the home to care for grandpa, do the shopping and other little things. Grandpa was scared to be home alone, scared he'd have another stroke, so one of us had to be with him all the time.

I continued living with my grandparents until my then boyfriend and I got our own place when I was 17 right after I graduated high school about a year and a half after I first went to spend that weekend with Grandma. That was short lived (a month to be exact, imagine that) and they welcomed me back with open arms. That same boyfriend and I got back together, we just sucked at living together! I stayed with Grandma and Grandpa until the next summer when we decided to try living together again. It again lasted a month and ended when my brother came home for a four day weekend from his duty station in New York after being stationed in Germany for two years.

David saw that I was unhappy. He knew how much our family loved this boyfriend of mine but that it just wasn't right for me. He saw them push for me to make things work with this guy because he truly was a great guy. He and I just weren't meant to be together. David told me to pack up my stuff because he was taking me back to New York with him. Two days later I quit my job and we loaded up and I moved to NY with no place to live, no job and only a couple hundred dollars.

I will never forget saying goodbye to my grandparents that day. They were scared for me and I hated to see that in their eyes. I had spent over two years of what I thought was helping take care of Grandpa but realized they were still taking care of me. That day was September 7th of 1998.

I made it work in NY despite my odds. My brother failed to tell me, or I failed to hear him say, that he was leaving for a month of training just two weeks after I arrived in NY. They set me up to stay with a friend of theirs while everyone I knew took off for training. One month later I had a place to live, a good job, I was in the process of getting my CNA certification and even had cable TV! (Shut up about the inflatble furniture David!! It's all we could afford lol!)

Unfortunately, while I was off finding my way in the world and finding out who I was, Grandpa was getting sicker. I was only able to make one last trip home for a weekend in October. That was the last time I'd see my Grandpa. The most positive, loving, caring, male role model in my life. In early November my brother took a trip home to see Grandpa because he'd been admitted to the hospital. I didn't really think it was too serious. I mean come on! This was MY Grandpa. The strongest willed person I'd ever met in my life. I knew in my heart I'd get to see him again because people like Grandpa don't just die.

He told Grandma he was gonna live to see their 50th wedding anniversary on many occasions. This must have been etched in his mind and in his heart even when he wasn't thinking clearly. November 19th he wrote a note to a nurse. The note said "I'm going home tomorrow". November 20th was their 50th anniversary. My mom and Grandma were staying in a hotel near the hospital and they got the call. Grandpa had passed away during the night. It was the early morning of their 50th anniversary. He had made it into the wee morning hours but not long enough to get to see his bride. He went home that day just like he told the nurse but none of us were ready to see him go.

Ten years ago a little part of me died too. I lost one of the most important people in my life and it was way too soon. He was 69 years old. My brother and I had to drive home from New York that day. We drove and we laughed and we cried (and we were really hungry too right David? We had no money for food, just gas!) and we had created new memories that day as we remembered and locked away important ones too. I'm pretty sure the rest of that trip was a blur. I don't know why I can't remember it clearly other than a few moments here and there but I just can't seem to remember.

Make every minute count. I know I am as I spend the last few precious days with my husband before we put him on a plane back to that damn desert!

Loft Beds....the Painful Downside

I completely bragged about how great we are that we bought one naughty little blond boy a super high loft bed and then made the other naughtier little blond one also. I was so excited! The boys have so much more room to play and destroy things in their rooms now. What more could a kid want?

My brilliant self didn't take into consideration what I would do when my "I don't sleep through the night every night yet" 7 yr old would wake up crying. Would I run up the stairs and then try to pole vault into the bed? Would I run up the stairs and try to climb the ladder? What if he was trying to get down to get to me in his dazed and confused state? Would I have to catch him midair? I'm a dumb mom!

Tonight this happened. Tayton was asleep and I was on my computer minding my own business when all of the sudden we heard it. The sound was a terrified scream followed by a couple croupy sounding coughs. Lucky for me the dad is home right now. He jumped up and ran up the stairs, flipped on the light and grabbed the top rail of the bed and somehow managed to fling himself into the bed with grace. I however ran up the stairs tripping twice, ran into the room slamming my shoulder on the doorway on my way in, stepped on a toy, muttered some choice words and then very slowly and awkwardly hauled my fat butt up the ladder, hit my head on the ceiling and landed next to the boy who was already back to sleep in his daddy's arms.

I was having none of that! I went through that freakin obstacle course to get to the boy, he was gonna acknowledge my being there. I woke his ass up. I talked to him and made quite sure he's gonna remember that his sweet mommy risked her own safety for what was probably a strange dream! I made him get down and pee (changing sheets on a loft bed sucks too!) and then let him go back to his peaceful slumber!

Today He's Thirty!!

My favorite soldier and wonderful husband turned 30 today! (don't worry my favorite soldier and my husband are the same person)

We knew last year that Kirke would be in Iraq for his birthday this year. Since he had to turn 30 in the giant sandbox I decided he needed a really great party last year. I pulled together a surprise birthday party and invited lots of people. My BFF from Michigan even came down to help celebrate.

The problem was that no one celebrates their 29th birthday and I wanted it to be really special so we decided we'd have a 30th birthday party for him instead. We had a great time and we laughed a lot.

Most importantly, I managed to pull off the surprise! That's a huge thing for me since I never manage to keep surpises a secret. We sent Kirke and Harry off to go pick up the pizza and as soon as they left the girls and I set off to decorate the house and get everything ready. When he walked into the house with the pizza he was met with 9 kids who had party favors and confetti!

Here's a picture from Kirke's premature 30th birthday party. Now I'm a bad wife for not having anything planned for his real 30th birthday since I had no clue he'd be home for R&R during this time!

Happy Birthday Love!

Day 1: We Survived

Kirke is home and his days are limited so we decided we'd let the boys miss a week and a half of school to spend time with Daddy. We are planning to start homeschooling in January so we decided to use this week to run some practice lessons and see what we might need to tweak before we're in all the way.

Tayton and Korbin both responded really well. We started the day by going to the library to register so we can start checking out books. I assume we'll be doing this often. They were excited to go to the non-fiction and hunt for books on their latest obsessions: Noah's Ark and the Titanic.....ironic huh? The wooden vessel no one believed in except Noah and his family and the steel ship that was deemed unsinkable. The outcomes have both boys fascinated!

We worked on each subject area using the workbooks I bought as guides. I'm waiting on our Five in a Row book to get here so we can get started using that curriculum with the workbooks to supplement.

Tomorrow we're thinking about a trip to Springfield to get me a printer that works. Actually to exchange the one that doesn't or at least get it fixed. We're going to go to the Discovery Center to let the boys have some science fun and the day won't be wasted hours of no schooling.

I just thought I'd let ya know we're doing okay still and that I think this is going to be great. The boys both learned new concepts today and had fun doing it and I felt stress free all day long! What more could I ask for?

Can We Build It? Yes We Can!

I've always been a big Bob the Builder fan. My nephew once asked his mom if Bob Vila was the real life Bob the Builder! That cracks me up every time I think of it! Tayton was Bob the Builder for Halloween one year.

Kirke's home for two weeks and after our not-so-relaxing-but-tons-of-fun-weekend in Branson I thought he should get home and get to work!

The boys are going to be elementary school drop-outs starting in January as we embark on our new adventure of homeschooling. *If you think this is a terrible idea or wish to share your negative thoughts about this choice please keep it to yourself, the decision is made and support is all we need now.*

I know that we need the "school area" to look like a school for the boys to be serious about learning so I began a transformation of part of our dining room before Kirke got home. I hung up a dry erase board for each boy and one for me. Kirke got to help make desks that fold down (so they can still use their boards) for each kid.

Then I found an ad for a loft bed in the classifieds and called them up and next thing we knew we were off on an adventure to track down this address and buy this great loft bed. We got there and had to dismantle it and load it onto the trailer. We drove the 40 miles home and put it back together. The boys were thrilled. Well that is until Korbin realized the new bed was in Tayton's room and not his. His little heart was broken. He has a futon that he has been using lately because we loaned our other bunk beds out to a friend.

Today while the boys were at school Kirke and I debated on whether we should buy the other bed that's just like the loft bed in Tayton's room that is advertised in the classifieds also OR should we just build him a loft bed ourselves. We went to Lowe's and wandered making a list of supplies we thought we might need. Then we went and wandered through a couple furniture stores and then decide to just make his bed ourselves.

We went to Lowe's bought the things we thought we needed and then went home and got to work. It was 1 o'clock and we had until 3 o'clock till the boys got out of school and would be underfoot while we tried to work. Amazingly we got the main parts finished! Then we went back to Lowe's to get the parts for the safely rails and ladder.

Here's how it all happened:

Ignore the mismatched woods and pay more attention to their smiles! Taytons bed has the swing attached and the boys have decided its the "Titanic Room" and Korbins new bed is made of wood like Noah's Ark so it's "Korbin's Ark".

Happy Veterans Day

Just a quick update...

Kirke made it home Friday around noon. We headed straight for Branson to meet up with his Dad and Grandmother (we had his mom with us). We spent the weekend busy as can be! I have some pictures and stories to share but right now we're heading off to the Veterans Day Parade and then maybe to Best Buy to get my printer fixed....finally.

Happy Veterans Day everyone! Say an extra prayer for the troops and their families who are apart as we start off the holidays!

HELP! A Merry Maid Took Over Her Body!

This is very serious people! I'm not messing around here. My Mother In Law does not clean like this! She helps out when she's here. She always keeps my laundry done which is fantastic! She helps with the dishes and with getting the kids to pick up.

But this lady. The one who has taken over my mother in laws body is crazy! It's out of control. I woke up this morning took a shower and then I came downstairs and there she was outside at my van with the Dyson! She had cleaned out the van and was getting ready to vacuum it! I went out and hugged her and told her thank you.

I wouldn't be concerned if it had stopped there but then she came in and demanded the boys go up and cleaned their bedrooms so we could vacuum. I took the hint and went upstairs and cleaned my bathroom and bedroom. It was much needed. When I finished I took the vacuum from the Merry Maid MIL and told her she should go play with the boys and I would finish the upstairs.

I came downstairs after I vacuumed the stairs and she demanded we go and get some lunch. I was beaten into submission and drove the van to Sonic. We got our lunch, came home ate and then the crazy Merry Maid MIL was cleaning the kitchen! The boys wanted to make signs for Daddy at the airport (hopefully for tomorrow) and she said she had to finish cleaning the counter top off first (I'm pretty sure I haven't seen that counter for at least a month). She sure did it though.

I'm hoping that the nap she took this afternoon was the end of Merry Maid Mother in Law and the normal MIL will come back and spend time with us this evening.

Keep your fingers crossed that our soldier will come home tomorrow! I'll be away for a while so don't worry about me!

Disappointment

It was supposed to be tomorrow. I was supposed to be spending my last night (for two weeks) sleeping alone tonight. I told the boys that tomorrow was the day. The day they'd have a daddy again for two weeks. I even shaved my legs! He was supposed to be in Atlanta bright and early with hopes of catching an earlier flight here but his scheduled flight still had him here before dinner.

It was all lies. Mean cruel jokes. The flight was delayed. An hour? Two? Maybe twelve? No one would say for sure. Turns out to be a day and half delay.....If it's even safe to believe that.

The boys are sad. Kirkes mom is sad. (We picked her up today) My heart is broken too. I know it's stupid to whine. Whats an extra day in the grand scheme of things? He still gets to be home just as long. Yada yada yada......I get all that, I do. But I finally let myself get excited and this is what I get for it! I shoulda known better.

Lesson Learned....or reminded at least. I'm pretty sure I learned a long time ago I just needed a cruel reminder.

This is MINE

I was hanging up the kids new dry erase boards today and when I was finished I let them loose with their markers working on homework. Tayton was writing sentences and really ticked off his brother when he wrote "Korbin is a little bee." I'm pretty sure Korbin is not a bee but he was pretty mad that it was written there in black and white....or was it yellow?

I was putting together my new grill yesterday. I settled for a tabletop grill instead of giving that place my money. I was working on it for a while, and I'm damn good at putting stuff together if I say so myself! I was getting frustrated because the very last bolt didn't fit through the hole. It was just too snug and took way more force than the other one did.

Tayton being the helpful little guy that he is had this conversation with me:

Tayton: This grill is, you know...

Me: No I don't know.

Tayton: You know that bad word M. said in the car earlier and got in trouble.

*that word was Bullsh**

Me: Umm yeah

Tayton: Well don't you think that this is grill is kinda you know, a piece of that?

Me: *hold it, don't laugh, keep it together!* You can't say things like that!

Then he had the nerve to say this:

Tayton: If dad was here this grill would probably already be together right mom?

Me: No because this grill is a piece of sh**! (and more words about how I can do anything daddy can do dang it all!)

And then today I was washing the dry erase board with the special expo cleanser stuff and my own personal peanut gallery piped up again:

Tayton: Mom I really "H" the smell of that stuff.

H in our house means hate. It's a forbidden word and we even skip it when we're reading books that say the word which is really hard sometimes. I say it but I try not to because it's the ugliest word to hear out of the mouth of a toddler so we avoided it and it carried through to their school aged years.

And last but not least, my little Korbin could not be outdone by his brother in my blog and just had to do something blog worthy. He even upstaged Tate by being picture worthy in his action. He was drawing on his board and I was hanging up the third board (mine) and they were drawing away.

I turned around when Korbin said: "There now you'll always know this is my shirt!"

Yep he sure did! As if I didn't know the blue shirts in the closet are his! That would be like giving Korbin Taytons yellow shirts!

The Boys Have it All Figured Out

Yesterday Tayton came home from school very excited. They learned about the elections today.
Here's how our conversation went:

Tayton: Mom tomorrows the day you get to vote for a new president.

Me: That's right.

Tayton: But mom don't you know most people are going to just vote for themselves?

Me: *giggling* Do you think I should vote for myself?

Tayton: Yeah

Me: Do you think I'd make a good president?

Tayton: Yes

Me: Aww thanks!

Tayton: Wait a minute. Doesn't the president have to do lots of work all of the time?

Me: Yes.

Tayton: Oh then you shouldn't be president.

Me: *deep breath*.....ummm ok.

Tayton: You're already too busy all the time.

Me: Nice save kid!

The boys said they got to vote today. In the first grade at the kids school John McCain won.

I'm not sure how the kindergarten classes came out but Korbin came home and told me he got to vote today too!

Korbin: I voted today Mom.

Me: Oh yeah?

Korbin: Yep!

Me: Who did you vote for?

Korbin: Cadie

Me: Wow!

Cadie is Amber's 6 year old daughter. He must have written her in. Wait he can't spell Cadie yet. Hmmm.......

I did my job as an American and exercised my right to vote. It took us about an hour and fifteen minutes from the time we got there till we left. I stepped back in time moving to MO I guess because we voted on paper. Had to draw little arrows. Weird. In Alaska we were high tech I guess. OH and privacy was nice. Here we sat at tables. Right next to the lines of people waiting to vote. I was half expecting to get choked for making the wrong choice. Very strange if you ask me but what do I know?

Happiness Delivered

The boys got mail today!

No money, no gifts, but better than all of that it had that familiar handwriting.

It had touched his hands. It was sent with love!

Two boys couldn't have been happier than in that moment!

Their mail came from Daddy!

It Came, It Went, The Mess Remains!

I'm not myself lately. I apologize. I'd say I've been acting a little oddly but that would mean I'm feeling pretty normal. I'm feeling quiet, frustrated and my mind is very busy inside my little head. Don't fret! I'll be back to myself soon....I hope.


Halloween is one of my favorite days! It make me smile! I love love love it! I got through it this year. The boys did not get enough chocolate in their goody bags. They were cute as can be though.


Korbin was a puppy...one day, spider man the next, franken-pup another, Spider-pup another and finally settled for just his Puppy costume on Halloween night.


Tayton was Ash Ketchum, Pokemon Trainer turned Expert! He loves his costume and would probably live in it if he could.

And this last picture....well....I had to see it so you should too! These trampy teens girls were only about 14.

The house is trashed, the kids have eaten way too much candy and I'm moody. Super! Hope you had a great Halloween!