The Homeschool Plague

We're new to this whole homeschool thing. There are days that I wonder what the hell I was thinking but most days I'm grateful to have this opportunity and love working with the boys. The biggest problem I've encountered isn't really a problem but it just kinda bugs me.



We interact with many people in a regular day. From store workers to waitresses and neighbors and friends. People always talk to the kids, or the kids talk to them. Duct tape should solve that little problem. . We all know that when you talk to kids the normal things get asked "How old are you?" "What grade are you in?" And then there's the one that makes us outcasts: "What school do you go to?"



Now as a mom to public school kids I never thought much about homeschoolers. I always found it interesting and appealing but never had a negative thing to say. Unfortunately, telling people that we homeschool is like painting a big red X over our heads because we must be religious nuts, crazy and obsessed with something or we must have this need to keep our kids out of and away from public school and the students who attend schools.



There isn't just a line in the sand between homeschoolers and public schoolers, its a freakin brick wall sometimes. And the question always comes up "why do you homeschool?" and you can sense it even if it isn't spoken. I notice myself constantly not only explaining our choice but also defending it. This isn't usually because someone has attacked our choice, but because I feel like if I don't explain it then I'm automatically stereotyped.



Now don't misunderstand. I totally get where this wall between the two gets built up. I recently joined a local group online of homeschoolers that meets weekly and communicates using yahoo groups. I read a few of their conversations and went ahead and deleted myself from their group. They were way too religious and anti-public education for my taste. I also have struggled to find a curriculum with a good balance of core subjects without over emphasizing religion.

We don't have the plague, we aren't crazy nutcases we just had some major issues with the local public schools. So major that one of the boys is now going to be seeing a psychiatrist and is on medication to help him control his crazy mood swings and impulsiveness. Thank you local elementary for failing to protect my children!

I'm glad that we're at the end of the school year and we're going to take a normal summer vacation and refuel for next year. We bought a complete curriculum which should be easy to follow as opposed to this year where we jumped in head first without time to plan or adjust.

Okay I'm off to count our hours and see how much more we have to squeeze in before we can officially start summer vacation!

And Now She's Gone

Last night was a bad night for Allie and I. She woke me up a couple times and I took her to the bathroom and loved on her a little but she cried. I woke up this morning and she had messed in the kennel and cried in pain when i tried to get her out. She was wobbly on her front legs and it seemed she may have been experiencing some pain and weakness in her front legs too.

I gave her a bath and cleaned her up. I called the vet and I made an appointment to have her put down today. She was in pain and I can't watch her suffer. The boys and I loaded up in the van for the drive to the vet. Allie just laid down and rode in silence. I thought about turning around and taking her home and waiting to see what tomorrow may bring.

Instead we kept going. I needed time to accept that she wasn't going to get better. The knot in her back where her spine is messed up was so much more pronounced the past couple days. I knew it wasn't going to end well and had to prepare myself. I'm sad. The boys are sad. Our other dog, an 11 year old Cocker Spaniel/Lab mix is sad. He's moping around. When we came home without Allie he waited by the door for her to come in with us.

She was a good dog. We had her for 4 1/2 years. We'll miss her dearly. And now we move on.....

I'm Finished I Swear........Except Maybe...

I've been busying myself with taking care of our recently paralyzed dog Allie. It is a pain in the butt and time consuming but I'm happy to still have my dog and she's happy and making the most of her new lifestyle.

I know I said I was done modifying her wheelchair. I was done. Until I saw that she was having a hard time turning because of how high the sides came up. I broke out the saw and the angled PVC connectors and went to work. Here is the final, final chair...I think...

This is before the last changes:


Here she is enjoying being outside. yes the one side sits a little higher than the other but not as much as it looks in the picture. I guess I'll have to fix that.... so much for being done!

Complete with doggie pick up bags on the side! I'm still going to get her a new harness that she doesn't have to have slid over her head and she'll like that. But for now a shoe lace through that one works fine.

Mow The Lawn

I was hanging out over on Betty Confidential reading this article. The article is based around this European commercial:



Apparently some women find it offensive. I on the other hand find it freakin hilarious and it makes me want to run out and buy this new razor/trimmer. My favorite part is when it says "all that's left to see is tulips on the mound" lmao! Too freakin funny!

Maybe I have issues......

The Arrows Tell You Which Way!

My friend is moving and I'm afraid it's too far away from my house. So at 8pm tonight we loaded up my van with my family and her and her three monsters kids to measure the distance and time of the trip.

Right off the bat her almost 5 year old started crying and whining that she was thirsty, then she was hungry and on and on. So we did what any good parents would do and turned up the radio. That's when it happened. The stupid song that I hate with a passion came on. The so-called friend that was riding with me just loves that song so she cracked up and turned the radio up and started singing along. So I did what any person who is driving HER OWN car and a song she hates comes on would do. I pulled over got out, stood behind the van with my hands over my ears.

Did I forget to mention our other two friends were in the van behind us? Right, so they were a tad confused. The jackass friend in the car was so sweet that she rolled down the windows and locked the doors and blasted the radio. The other van full behind us was not impressed. I went to get back in after this friend turned off the song but the door was locked. So I again did what a normal person would do and grabbed the roof rack and slid in through the window.

We continued on our adventure and passed the road we were looking for and took the next. We drove and drove and drove to see this house, in the dark, on a dark country road, that people still live in. Finally, 10.5 miles and 18 minutes into our trip (including my fit throwing time) and we found the house. Or wait, maybe it's that one? Or is it that one? What the heck they all look the same? Hmmm......

We drove down to the turn around thingy. I rolled down the window to tell the driver of the van behind us which house she thought it was. And then I smelled something. What the hell is that smell? It smelled like finger nail polish remover. OH well, we rolled up the window and drove on. That was when I got the text that the smell was a can of orange spray paint I had apparently run over! Super, just freakin super!

We found our way out of the little "neighborhood" back to the main road. I said to my navigator "which way do I turn?" She pointed left so I turned on my left turn signal indicator. Then the peanut gallery in the back seat pipes in "Michelle, the arrows tell you which way to go, why don't you just look at your little thing up there?"

I was confused. Maggie was turned off and there were no arrows on the road. Then she said "the little green blinking one". As if I'm completely stupid and had no idea the blinking arrow told ME which way to go instead of me flipping the switch in the direction I intend to go.

Thank God she won't be driving, or navigating anytime soon!

Sorry....

I'm sorry my last post was so psycho. I was having a rough day. I know many of you probably think I'm nuts. That the dog should be put to sleep if it can't walk or whatever but, well that's not happening. My past week has been totally consumed by Allie and how to handle her new found lifestyle. We are embracing it and enjoying making her cart and remaking it. We having finally settled on the design and used pvc cement to complete the new and improved Allie Mobile!

We took her back to the vet on Friday and they said she's doing good, not in pain, happy and as long as I'm okay with her care that we should just keep on keepin' on! So we will just roll with it and take it one day at a time!

Here she is with her newest set of wheels! Thanks for the support!

I Can't Make This Choice

I love my dogs. I can't imagine my life without dogs. I can't imagine our family with only one dog either. Allie is only 4. She shouldn't have to go so soon right? How the hell am I supposed to decide that it's time for her to die? That's effed up if you ask me! I can decide that I can't take care of her anymore. I can decide that she shouldn't have to live like this but does that mean she should have to die because of it? It's easy for everyone to say you've tried your best, you've done all you can and no one will think less of you if you decide to have her put down. I'm the one who has to say those words to the vet. I'm the one who has to go into the vets office with my little dog who's usually glued to my hip and walk out without her. I have to explain to the kids that Allie is hurt and can't live a normal life anymore so we're done with her because if she's not perfect we can't have that. What does that say to them about themselves? That because God made them a little different that they are less than perfect? This is not okay and it's effed up that I have to sit here alone trying to make this decision. This is a day that I'm angry as hell with my husband for not being here and trying to tell me over the phone what he thinks. This just isn't something our family can't handle right now. I'm taking my dog and we're going to bed and maybe tomorrow she'll wake up just fine.

How the hell am I supposed to put an end to this?

Allie's New Ride

Today i'm pretty sure i'm saisfied with the doggie wheelchair. Its been a lot of modifications but its kept me feeling like I'm taking a chance at making this work for all of us as opposed to jumping right to option 3.

So here she is, on her first outside adventure.

My Poor Dog

Once upon a time, long ago (in 2004) a just turned 25 Mom wanted a new puppy. Her hubby was getting ready to deploy and her kids were almost 2 and 3 years old. She searched and she hunted and finally found a Cocker Spaniel/Lahsa Apso mix puppy that she just had to have! Off she went to pay $150 (even mutts are expensive in Alaska).

That mom was me, 4 1/2 years ago. The puppy grew into my foot warming, always have to be up against me, sitting with me, following me around, sometimes annoying dog Allie. She's always been a pretty good dog. Every now and then she wanders out an open an open door and I have to yell to her from the door or go get her from a random neighbors yard but she's a pretty good dog.

On Monday everything seemed fine. Allie was being her normal under-my-feet self. She whined at night when I put her to bed in the laundry room. I finally gave in and went and got her and put her into my bed where she stayed the whole night. I was a little worried because she acted kinda odd but no biggie. The next morning came and she jumped out of my bed and went outside to do her business as usual and we went on about our day.

Monday night I came home and Allie couldn't walk. She drug her back legs behind her as she tried to maneuver from one place to the next. She was trembling terribly. We went to bed intending to call a vet in the morning. We made it to 1am before I had to call the emergency vet. They wanted me to keep her still and bring her in first thing in the morning because she wasn't in any pain.

The next morning came and I was scared because I had hoped I'd wake up and Allie would be all better. She wasn't. We got to the vet and they asked us to drop her off and they'd call us when they knew something. The boys and I tried to go on with our day as normal. A couple hours passed and we ended up at the vet. We asked about her progress they said they needed another hour and they'd call us. Tayton and Korbin were not okay with that and neither was I. We decided to wait there.

When they finished with the xrays and tests they called us into the room. Bad news. Allie is paralyzed from the "waist" down. She has some discs that have become damaged over time (not trauma) and just finally cut off that nerve.

We have to make some choices. She can't go to the bathroom on her own and she can't walk. But from the waist up she's her normal self. She's alert, fairly happy, still begging for food (now she is more likely to get it too), she's still our Allie but with a broken body.

In a perfect world she'd be having back surgery right now. In our world we can't expense $3000 on our dog. Especially because this is not from an injury its something that's been happening and just finally hit that last nerve.... in the literal sense. Option 2 is to try Prednisone and hope that if some of the inflammation in her back goes down we'll be able to see some improvement. And of course, option 3, if the quality of life she's left with or forces us into isn't working or she is in pain then we might have to put her down.

I don't get it! She's 4 1/2! Our other dog, he's almost 12! I got him when I was 19. She was fine 3 days ago. There was no red flags to say "hey somethings wrong with this dog!" I cried a lot. I didn't know what choice to make and Kirke's in Iraq and that makes the decision all mine. The boys are being wonderful!

We chose to try the medications. At least if it doesn't work and she's miserable we know that we have tried. I was able to stop worrying by thinking about some future things. We came home and priced doggie wheelchairs. For only $200-$400 dollars we could have a cart for our dog. Well that's just plain nuts if ya ask me! So after looking at several designs I decided to make my own. Once I got the idea I ran with it! We used the boys old training wheels at first and we used trial and error until we came up with a wheelchair for Allie. She enjoyed her renewed sense of freedom.

I can't find my camera charger so I had to use Tayton's camera to take this little video but here

she is with her cart.

Here are some random pictures. The first one is when the kids painted her. Then a haircut and some others.

I just don't know if it's fair for her to live this way or if I have time for two minor special needs homeschoolers and a major special needs dog......

An Update on an Update On a Hero

***ANOTHER UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST***

I just got this comment in my inbox and approved for this post but I wanted to make sure to share this update with all 3 of you who read my blog!

I know that I spelled his name wrong in the post but only because that's how it was in the article and I didn't want to change the article (even though the publisher obviously did), so I appologize to SPC Zimmermann and his family for that error.

Angela, SPC Zimmermann's Mom, found my blog and here's what she shared:

"Spc Zimmermann is my son and I'm thankful to all who helped him atfer he was hit, without them he probably would have not survived. he spent 4 weeks at Walter Reed in Washington DC, and is now home in Rolla, he just completed what is hopeully his last surgery #9, this past Friday, it was a skin graft and although he is in a lot of pain he is doing well".

Thanks for the update Angela! I'm so glad he's doing well and back home with you! My little boys would love to meet your son, they know that thier daddy got to help save him and want to see for themselves that he's okay!

I just got this comment from Angela today.

"Just another update about Daniel, he has a pretty bad infection and will have to have another surgery ths coming Friday at Ft. Wood."

They need prayers and good thoughts coming their way!

*Angela, if you read this could you email me privately kmtkbest@gmail.com we would like to put something together for Daniel and are interested in what he might like/need and the kids would like to write to him. Thanks so much! *

Death. Dying. What Matters Most?

My Grandpa, "Papa" as we've always called him died this week. He's been very sick with a lung disease caused from a factory where he worked a gazillion years ago. Exposure to asbestos or something of the sort. He was 73. His mother and father both lived to be in their 90's. He only has one living sibling out of four. His parents had to bury two of their children in their lifetime. I'm sure he was thankful to never have had to go through that.



Papa was a big strong, hard working man. He worked hard but he partied harder! He was a drinker and an opinionated man. Sometimes those things don't mesh so well together. This was my dads father. He was a good man.



The term Grandpa can mean so many things. They come in so many forms. This grandpa wasn't one who thrived on being a grandfather. As I said before he believed in hard work and harder play, but this wasn't meant in the way I play hard with my kids. His idea of playing was partying. Drinking, playing cards, dice or whatever the game of the year was at the time. He wasn't affectionate or compassionate. He didn't ever work to win us grand kids over. So it is what it is.



He was grandpa. I loved him. I respected him. I'll miss seeing him when I go home. My heart breaks for my dad who is burying his father today. He's stuck in the same rut as I am. He has memories, he loved his dad but the effort to be a kind hearted loving father to my dad just didn't happen. He worked hard, and taught my dad the value of hard work which was passed on to us and for that I am grateful.



I don't know where my Dad gets it from but he skipped the drinking part of the lessons Papa gave and absorbed the having fun with friends and to Dad that also means family. Thank God it didn't stop there because my dad taught me how to be a fun loving caring and affectionate parent. We worked our butts off on whatever project he was working on with Papa but then we got to cut loose and play. And it wasn't just us kids being shoved off to go play either. My dad would lead us as we played crazy games in the yard. We played a boatload of kickball and hide-n-seek as well as other very strange games but we laughed. We learned the value of getting a job done and then playing hard till the end of the day and going to bed happy with hugs and kisses and "I love you".



Today when my dad gives his fathers eulogy I know that his heart will be breaking for the things he missed out on during his lifetime. The joys and warmth felt by wrestling and playing with your kids and grand kids. Laughing till it hurts because the kids are being silly and loud and not being aggravated by the noise of children laughing too loud or screaming in excitement. My children will be able to remember all of their grandparents with fond memories because the few time they see them each year or two they make the most of it and work hard to build on these memories.



I'm glad Papa doesn't hurt anymore and he passed on without regret but I highly doubt that was possible. And that makes me more sad than losing him.....