Mr. Crayola Meet Mr. Brand NEW Maytag Bravos Dryer

Today I don't want to be the mom anymore. I decided to wash some clothes because naughty little blonde boys insist on wearing underwear and socks to school! I had left a load of clothes in the washer before I got sick yesterday but no biggie, I tossed it into the BRAND NEW DRYER (did I mention it's brand new?) and went on about my business. I threw in the whites with bleach and detergent and even fabric softener now that I have a high tech washer with a fabric softner dispenser built in! I was just trying to be a good mom ya know?

SO the washer and dryer beeped at me (another new feature I'm not used to) and I took the hot clothes out of the dryer and that was when I saw red! Seriously I saw red..and it was all over the drum of the dryer. AND THE CLOTHES!!! The load had the boys school pants and a few other odds and ends in it. Here's the result:

Thank you very much naughty little blonde boys! Now we'll be going to the outlet store this weekend and I know how much you LOVE to shop! Ha take that ya little punks! I'll show you!

Anyone know how to get crayons out of blue jeans and other clothes? I tried shout but that just made my throat hurt more and the crayon didn't budge. Grrrr! OH and it's 10:30 and they are still awake because I can't yell at them to go to sleep. They are totally taking advantage of me! Just you ya know!

GIVE IT AWAY

Burgh Baby's Mama has gone crazy! She's giving away everything! From coffee to music to cosmetics! But you have to enter by tonight so what are you waiting for? Click here to win
And for some of her best writing yet click here to read her 9/11 post.

I Give Up

I went to the doctor today because I had a 102 fever last night and my throat feels like I swallowed a cat and it clawed the hell out of my throat the whole way down. It hurts to open my mouth, it hurts to move my tongue and my tonsils are the size of basket balls and I'm grumpy. It hurts to swallow which means my body is having some serious diet pepsi withdrawls and did I mention I'm grumpy?

The doctor looked at my throat and laughed. Yep he chuckled. And then he said "well it's no wonder you're in so much pain"! Gee thanks! Actually he was very kind to me but he did laugh at me when he saw how ugly it was in there. He gave me lots of medicines but nothing for the pain. I need something for the pain. An 18 wheeler ought to just do the trick I think!

I took the flea ridden dogs to the vet today. The vet was a very bad word and made me more grumpy than I was before. She argued with me about the age of my dog! Seriously! I've had him for ten years he was a year old when I got him...in 1998! She insisted he must be younger than that because he doesn't look that old! Grrr! My dog ages well, geesh back off lady! Then I told her we had chinchillas and she said "hope you don't expect them to live long"! WHO DOES THAT?? Come on be a little professional already! I left the vet with flea crap for the dogs and stupid flea bombs for the house that I paid way too much for because this vets office sucks bad!

I came home to talk to Kirke. Amber picked up the boys from school for me and I just ordered pasta from Pizza Hut for dinner, not that I can swallow but it's worth a shot. Tayton has been waiting on the pasta to get here and just came in the house and said "what's taking so long? Are they using a pizza delivery bike or what?" He's right it's been almost an hour.

So I quit. I give up. The boys homework can wait until tomorrow, the house can stay a mess. The garage and van have a mysterious odor that I don't care to investigate today either. Instead I'll feed the naughty little blond boys and lay on the couch and pray the medication starts to work soon.

Want to Win Something?

I like to win stuff! I don't really want you to win because if you win that means I didn't but since I get extra chances to win just by telling you guys about this giveaway it's worthwhile to let the cat out of the bag. Mama Kat is giving away a vacuum! Yep! One of my favorite things ever! I love love love them and could never have too many. In fact I've been thinking how much I need one just for upstairs! I hope I win and you should go enter too.

The Korbin and Melissa Saga Continues

I decided I needed to know if Korbin was still mad at Melissa (my 29 yr old bff) because she's getting married.

Me: Korbin are you still mad at Melissa?

Korb: Yes

Me: Why?

Never mind I need to video this. Here ya go!

Don't worry I already scheduled therapy to try to ward off the violent tendencies in my dear sweet Korbin!

Melissa, just so you know we love you and we (and by we I mean Tayton and I) love Chris and will be happy to not sign Korbin out of the asylum on September 19th of next year if he doesn't straighten up by then!

This just in: We told Korbin that his little Megan has a new boyfriend that she was playing with at the park and his name is Chris. He said he was gonna push her in the water too. And I asked why he would push little Megan in the water and he said "Oh not little Megan cause Ms Brandy would whoop my butt!" So Big Megan you better stick with Josh cause if you bring a Chris into the picture you're a goner!

Melissa call your mom and have her call Korbin and straighten him out so that Korbin will be afraid to push you in too okay!

Korbin Come Back Inside!

Today the boys and I were making dinner. A good wholesome dinner of bacon, eggs and toast! The boys put the bread in the toaster and turned the dial all the way up. I of course didn't know cause I was busy cooking the bacon. I found out as soon as it popped up and I smelled the burnt toast. Our trusty smoke alarms went off a few minutes later....good thing we weren't on fire! Korbin took off running out the door. I yelled to him to get back in the house and he said "but what if we burn up in the fire"? He was refusing to come back in!

Darn kid! He heard me say "the toast set off the smoke alarms" but ran out the door anyway! After I fanned the smoke detector for a second it went off.

I got Korbin back into the house and decided we should talk about fires. I asked them where they thought we should meet if there really was a fire. We decided at the mailboxes on the corner. Then Tayton said "yep and we just run right out there and don't bring anything with us right mom?" And Korbin piped up and said "well we have to bring the stove, duh". I jumped in and said "why would we bring the stove?" Korbin replied "because it's really important to have a stove. What would we cook on if it burned up?"

Duh of course!! What was I thinking?

Tayton went on and said "well it's not too important if we, you know (makes a throat cutting movement with his hand to represent dying I guess) in the fire."

Silly boys!

10,000!!! Woohoo!

~Woohoo~

I was just on my stat counter and it showed that I am at 9,999 visitors! So I should do something to celebrate! I think I'm gonna have to figure out something fun! I'll get back to you on that! If you're reading this please comment and tell me what my stat counter says on the left side bar!
Thanks!

15 Things That I Suck At

I am not without flaws. I know you're probably surprised ...... or not ...... but I have many flaws and I thought you should know about a few of them.

1. I suck at folding and putting away laundry. I'll wash and dry it all day but when it comes time to move on to the next step I'm suddenly so tired or my arms and legs are broken so I can't possibly fold laundry. Therefore once a week I build Mt. Laundry in my living room chair and after a few days of diving in to find clothes to wear only to find the most wrinkled shirts ever seen by the naked eye, I give in and fold my clothes and put them away. Seriously have you seen the new GE washer and dryer commercial with the 6 months of laundry ball rolling around? That was mine.

2. I suck at cooking small meals. I always cook way too much! Even with both of my friends and their herd of kids here I still end up with left overs. I have recently realized I also SUCK at eating left overs and end up wasting food. Sad.

3. I suck at getting up in the morning to get the kids ready for school. Yep last week they woke up and let me sleep in which resulted in them being tardy for school. Oops! Today we got up at 7:30 and had to leave at 8. I suck!

4. I suck at understanding the ridiculous things that come home from school! Today my 5 year old had a note in his folder from his PE teacher stating that because he was absent one day and missed 20 minutes of PE, that he had until the end of the week to make up that work. WHAT? That's right! I have to sign a form stating that he has been physically active for 20 minutes to get participation credit for that day that he was home sick! WTF? Seriously? He's 5! Is it acceptable to write that he completed his 20 minutes by racing from the dining to the living room and diving onto the love seat? Or how about that he practiced throwing by using my clean socks that were supposed to be carried up the stairs and not launched as grenades from the top of the stairs! Or how about the forbidden jumping on the bed? It's not encouraged but does take place and I'm certain that he's done at least 20 minutes of that over the past few days. And like any normal 5 year old boy he cannot walk! He runs everywhere he goes within the house, can I add up those minutes? Because I KNOW he's run from his room to the kitchen at least 100 times!

5. I suck at trying to rationalize with my children! I need them to clean their junk out of my hallway so that I can get to my own room. They can't figure out why it's not okay to have the mattresses, gigantic bear and moose, kitchen stools and every blanket they can get their grubby little paws on into my bedroom doorway! Then they can't figure out why I'm throwing things out of the way like a mad woman! Here's another example from tonight:

Why do we have to do homework? Because you're teacher sent it home and wants you to do it so you can be smart.
Well then why didn't she make us do it at school? Because she ran out of time.
Well then why did we have so much time for free choice centers? Damn it I don't know! Do your work or I'm selling you on eBay!

6. I suck at keeping my car clean! I try. I do. But then we spend a day running around doing things which leads to eating in the car which leads to food on the floor and papers and wrappers. Which leads to me being mad about it but having my hands full when we go in the house so I can't grab the mess and they fail to have enough empty hands too and I suck at remembering to make them go back out and clean it up! Right now I need to fold the seats down and jack up the front of the van and just let it all slide out into the dumpster!

7. I suck at following through with my threats to naughty little blond boys! Mostly this is because I like to think I'm funny which leads me to making irrational threats that if I did carry through with I'd wind up in jail. Like the time Korbin was playing with our friends hubby Big C and hauled off and punched him right in his stuff! I'm pretty sure I threatened to take his stuff right off if he ever hit someone there again! Well duh! It's not like it's stuck on using Velcro!

8. I suck at being patient with these guys when I'm stressed out! Yep I turn into a yelling screaming maniac of a mom who should probably be locked in a padded room except that would require the Dad to come home from the desert and the Army doesn't want that so they tolerate me....for now!

9. I suck at keeping my mouth shut! Yep I do! Don't act surprised! I let things slip right through my lips without even thinking twice about the political correctness of my words. And I like to be right! And when I am right I like to prove that I'm right. Yep that's me! I'm a right fighter!

10. I suck at singing! Yep I have the voice of a coon dog. But that's okay cause I like to sing along with my favorite songs. Especially ones that annoy my friends or make me look silly. I'm okay with that!

11. I suck at saying NO! HUGE flaw! So from now on when I say "yes" take that as a "no" okay? Most of the time this isn't a problem except when people start to take advantage of me. Then it gets ugly. Mostly because the rest of my friends who don't take advantage of have my back and will tell you that you're taking advantage of their "door mat" ! Thanks guys!

12. I SUCK at being serious! I can't do it! I make everything into a joke. I'm the girl making fun of my friends during the sad movies for crying because I can find something funny about the situation. I am also the girl making jokes when everyone is sitting quietly or when we're trying to be a responsible audience. I can't help it, it makes me happy. I am not good at being serious. It's not fun and I suck at not being fun!

13. I suck at doing one thing at at time! I can't just sit and watch TV. I have to be text messaging or playing solitaire on my cell phone or messing around on the computer. I can't just talk on the phone either. I have to be driving or cleaning or again on the computer. Or maybe folding laundry....Oh that might be a plan!

14. I suck at confrontations. I will always end up apologizing for something that I have no reason to be sorry about or I'll end up just getting mad and staying mad! Oh well screw it! See....

15. I suck at turning my brilliant ideas into brilliant plans and carrying through with them. I have all these crazy thoughts pop into my little head and then I tell someone but that's usually where it ends. I need more of a drive to follow through. I suck at following through.

So some of you may wonder what I'm going to do about all of these problems? No? Well you should be wondering because those are 15 things that I suck at doing and should want to fix right? Nah I didn't think so either. I'm okay with those things. I'll work on them some other time....or not cause I suck at following through!

Oh well people love me anyhow! Right? Don't you?

What do you suck at? Would you fix it if you could?

I'm into Swapping and Thought You Should Know!

I just signed up for a swap over on Sunshine and Lemonade!! Woohoo! You should sign up too! It sounds like lots of fun and a reason to shop! But hurry cause the deadline is tomorrow!

What in the World?

I was over hanging out on Burgh Baby trying to catch up on some reading. I was reading about her early Christmas decorating and I clicked a link and it took me to this web page. I was completely confused.

Upside down Christmas Trees? What the....? They hang from the ceiling or mount on the wall? Are you kidding me? Why?

And then it hit me....KIDS!! Naughty little blonde boys would be the reason for this invention and although strange it's brilliant! I spent the first two years of their holidays trying my hardest to fend them off from the tree. The problem was that even with baby gates stretched around the tree these boys managed to find a way to get to the tree, the ornaments and of course the presents!

If I could have hung the tree on the way out of their reach we would have had it made! Except that hanging a tree on the wall is just plain weird! Where do you put the presents? Would we duct tape them to the ceiling too? How pretty would that be? And then on Christmas day do we let the kids pretend they are pinata's and try to get them down?

Now I understand that it's a good way to keep the pets/kids out of the tree as well as to avoid taking up valuable floor space in your home but seriously? Do people really buy these? Would you ever buy and upside down Christmas Tree? Have you ever seen one in real life?

A Flying Head!

When we lived in Alaska we had the best neighbors. Well actually we had the HEAD neighbors because we're the BEST neighbors. You see, our last name is Best and theirs is Head. That's right, we were the Best Heads! Coincidentally *Bendy Head (first names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved)became one of my BFF's ever!

She called me today and told me this great story about her 36 year old husband (see Seal* (again this name has been changed to protect his identity, you're welcome) you know we love you because I lied about your age by three years so everyone would picture you as the young handsome guy you are...or something like that!)! A few months ago he decided to "go green" and ride his bike to work! He works very long days from 4 or 5am or so until well after dark most days.

Little did he know he'd be going green in style! The new style of grass stained skin that is! I made this picture right after she told me about his midnight flight and landing on the hard concrete as he missed his jump up to the sidewalk and flew over the handlebars!! Poor Seal! His arm is in a cast now. And I really hope he feels better soon! I do.. I swear! I can't help it if I laughed myself into coughing fits while she told me the story. She was laughing too ya know. That's right I'm "that girl" who will rat out her friend to make herself look less evil! So there Bendy* laughed first!

Here's the picture I made when I talked to her today.

Meet Seal The Flying Head!!

Oh I would have given to be that squirrel! Just to be there to see him fly through the air and count how many times he bounced help him up and make sure he was alright. Poor poor Seal*! We love you anyway and the training wheels are in the mail!!

**In an effort to protect the identity of the Head family I changed their first names. With Head being such a common last name I'm certain changing their first names will do the trick!

You're Welcome!

My Friends SUCK Rock!

A couple days ago Brandy and/or Amber *for this post we shall call them Bramber because I can't be certain who said what or even if either of them were actually there in real life!* told me that my tail light and brake light were out on my van on the passenger side. Good friends do things like that right? And so being the naieve trusting friend that I am I went ahead and bought replacement bulbs at Wal-Mart (again we don't have a Target, I'm sorry) a day or two after Bramber told me. They sat in my van waiting to be installed until tonight.

We got home from Columbia, dinner and a quick shopping trip for lunch stuff for tomorrow and I decided while my naughty little blond boys showered I'd go ahead and change the bulbs. First I had to hunt for the dumb socket set because I tend to relocate things continuously in the house to keep things interesting.

Once I found them I went out to get to work. My wonderful neighbor came over to see if he could lend a hand and of course despite my feeling the need to prove myself as a competent woman who can change out a bulb I let him jump right in. He loosened the two bolts and then said "wait is this the side?" To which I replied "umm that's what they told me". So he decided we'd better check first to make sure.

So I jumped in the car and stepped on the brake pedal. Guess what? Give up? The lights all worked for the brakes. So he told me to turn on the headlights to see if it was just the tail lights. Guess what? Yep you got it.... THEY ALL WORKED! "Try your blinker" he instructed. I did that too, guess what? Tired of this game? Me too!! "Turn on the four ways so you can come back here and see".(I know he's bossy right?) Not one single one of my lights on the back of my car were out. Not one my friends, not one!

Instead of looking like a perfectly capable 28ish year old woman I looked like the dumb neighbor with a deployed husband who changes out perfectly good lightbulbs just because her friends tell her they are burned out and doesn't check for herself! Thanks Bramber! I needed to look foolish today!

Oh hey Brandy, your headlight isn't really out either! So there! And Amber you're blinker fluid needs filled! Ha ha! So there HA!

Tayton's Take On Smart Water

We bought a couple bottles of that Smart Water at Wal-Mart because they were gigantic and only a dollar. Tayton took his out of the fridge to drink today and here is the conversation that followed:

Tayton: Does this water make you smarter?

Me: Probably not.

Tayton: OH! Then it's just like you are right mom?

(trying not to assume he just called me dumb)
Me: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Tayton: You know! You always say stuff just to be funny because you're so funny mom! Well they were being funny when the decided to write "smart water" on the bottle. See it's just like you mom!

The Good News Is....

The good news is that Tayton and I went to Columbia today and he had his Cystic Fibrosis test and it came back negative and he weighed in at his highest weight ever of 40 pounds today! The bad news is that he's still having asthma problems and we're struggling to get it controlled. He missed school yesterday because he got a cold and it's kicking his butt! I'm sending him to school tomorrow but I know he's going to have a rough day. The worse news is that I am sick now too. My head might explode and my temper already has more than once today.

What's next? We don't know. We still have a little boy who is not even measurable on the Body Mass Index chart because he is so thin. Thin wouldn't be a problem except that he lacks the ability to fight off illnesses. He gets sick and gets so much sicker than the rest of us. That on top of his Sensory Integration Disorder means that missing school is rough on him because of his routine being upset as well as missing out on the learning. Next we make an appointment his developmental pediatrician and discuss our next path. Everything seems so bittersweet but thank God that cystic fibrosis is not his culprit.

Thanks to everyone who thought about us today and sent good vibes our way, it worked!

Korbin's Problem Is Spreading

Korbin went to school today and he did well up until the last few minutes of the day. It seems that his leg that was having problems following the classroom rules, is no longer the sole limb affected by this ailment!

Mrs. Korbins Teacher approached me at the end of the day to let me know she read the note on his behavior chart in which I wrote that I have scheduled Korbin for surgery to replace the faulty leg that got him in trouble on Friday in case his training techniques didn't work. She told me that the procedure is going to take much longer because now his arm is also going to need replaced because it was causing trouble today.

Poor little Korbin! He's gonna have all mismatched limbs by the end of kindergarten the week!

Tayton missed school today. I knew that hoping to make it a full month without him getting sick was an unobtainable goal. Saturday morning he woke up coughing which caused him to have a bad asthma attack and was so worked up he had a fever of 104. That went down to around 103 by the time he finished his breathing treatment and within an hour of having motrin it was down to 101 I think. We've had to continue his breathing treatments in addition to his regular asthma controller meds. Poor kiddo!

Now in addition to his horrible cough, his ear and throat hurt! Tomorrow we go to Columbia to see his doctor and have the Cystic Fibrosis test done so send some extra prayers this way that we'll get some answers to our quesstions and why he's so sick all the time and unable to get up to a decent weight or at least register on the Body Mass Index charts.

Korbins Heart is Broken

Korbin loves the ladies! Since he was little he just loved girls, women, all of them! It's nuts! He has been telling people they are beautiful for a couple years now. He's a sweet little boy. One of his very first loves was one of my BFF's. I've known her since I was 7 and he knows her as "Aunt Melissa". He said that he loves her and is going to marry her. He's had more loves in his life since then but he's always kept her on his short list.

Today was her birthday! Happy Birthday Melissa!! She called us and not only is it her birthday today but her boyfriend asked her to marry him! Congratulations Melissa! We're so excited for her. Well I am anyhow.

Korbin, not so much! I told him that she was gonna get married and he said "oh no"! He sat with his little head hung down and his lip sticking out. I asked him why he was sad and he said "because she isn't supposed to get married with someone else"! And I told him that she wants to marry Chris cause he's a grown up like her and maybe he should find himself someone his own age. He then replied "there's already too many Chris's".

Melissa called today to find out how Korbin is doing. I asked him if he was still mad and he said yes. He came over and asked if he could talk to her. He took the phone and yelled: "you are a chicken"! He giggled and ran away!

I'm gonna teach him to run up to the alter during the wedding and profess his love for her in an effort to win her back! Certainly she won't be able to resist his charm!

Tayton Wants to Deal

Tayton just said "mom since I had an asthma attack, when we go to the store can you let me get a toy or pokemon cards"



He also said that if "I pay with a dollar and there is change left you can keep the change!" He's a sweet boy. Too bad its MY dollar that would pay for the toy in the first place therefore the change is already mine!

Tayton Knows

Tayton: Mom you know you shouldn't be watching something like Dr Phil. You should be watching something more important like the news.

Me: ummm ok. (and I finished watching Dr. Phil and then turned on The Weather Channel)

Tayton: Don't you know the news is one of the most important things?

Me: is the weather important to watch too?

Tayton: Yeah. Because it tells you if it's going to storm or not.

Me: Then why do you watch cartoons.

Tayton: It's just important for YOU to watch!

Me: Well that doesn't really seem fair.

Tayton: Well I'm watching it right now with you.

Me: You're right that's more fair. Thanks!

Tayton: I wonder how they know what time it's going to storm don't you? It's probably some type of giant satellite in outer space that tracks the whole Earth to see if there is gonna be a storm and if there is the satellite just registers it right to that place! (how the heck does he know these things?)

Me: How do you know that?

Tayton: I just think.

Me: Do you like to watch the weather? (he's the one who would rewind the news to watch flooding and tornado coverage!)

Tayton: Totally ignoring me because he's fascinated by the weather reporter try not to get blown away by the high winds!

The lady just said "they built palm trees on the coast of Florida because they withstand the weather but they are blowing over here!" Silly me I thought they were planted and they grew there but now I know they are built!

**On another note the dogs think the chinchillas in their balls are new toys for them! LMAO!**

The Teacher Messed Up

I went to school to have lunch with the kids today. Note to self: Bring lunch on the days I'd like to eat with the kids because cafeteria pizza is not the same as it was a million years ago when I was in school. I'm actually pretty sure they used fat free cheese! The nerve of some people!




Today when I picked up the kids from school Korbin ran to greet me!




I said to him "did you have a green day today?" (green is the good color and if he has yellow or red he had to "pull a card" because he didn't follow a rule)




Korbin said "yes I did but she gave me a line anyway!" (a line is a yellow #1 because thats the rule he broke)



I replied "don't you worry my little angel I'll handle this! I'm gonna go yell at your teacher for giving you a line!" I think he was a little excited about that! I turned toward his teacher and loudly said "Mrs. TeachersNameHere (not her real name btw) I cannot believe that my little Korbin had a green day and you gave him a line anyway!"




She tried not to laugh as she turned Korbin and said "I know you remember why you had to pull a card. Do you want to tell mom or should I?" Korbin of course due to his innocence could not remember why he had to pull a card! The teacher explained that he just couldn't seem to do the right thing in the hall. He was walking backwards, kicking the wall, and other random leg issues!"




**She and I are on good terms and she knows me well enough that I can joke like this with her without anyone taking offense.


When we got to Ambers to drop off Cadie I told Korbin that I know it's not his fault that he had issues in the hallway. He seemed delighted at this news. I went on to say "it's not your fault because it's your legs fault. They made the choice to be bad right?"


Korbin liked this idea. He told me "it was just this one" pointing to his right leg. He also said "I'm teaching it and it's getting better".


And being the good mom that I am I assured him that I could fix it. "We're going to need to get rid of that leg. We'll take it off and get you a new one that knows how to behave. I made an appointment for you on Sunday".


Korbin was much less impressed with this news. He assured me that his leg can be trained to do the right thing. I told him we'll wait and see because I'm not convinced we can trust that bad little leg!


Another Korbin story from the day...there's been many! He had red in his hair. I thought it was paint or something but upon closer investigation I saw small red spots on his scalp. I thought these spots were blood and was confused. I let it go because he said it didn't hurt.




When I got in the shower after breaking a major sweat trying to fix Amber's girls bike I saw that my body **wash was spilled** on the bottom of the tub. Then it clicked. He used my red body wash with the little exfoliating beads in it to wash his hair and then didn't get it all rinsed out. Therefore he got a red area of hair with some little flecks of exfoliating thingys on his scalp! When I asked him if that's what he did he giggled. In Korbinese that translates to "yep"!

**(edited because in my first time publish of this blog I had typed "I saw that my body was squirted a little on the bottom of the tub!! Grrrr My friends suck!)


I know I posted this picture before but it seemed so appropriate!

And this one was just cute!

We Can Still Have Baby Chimichangas!

We got our chinchillas almost a week ago. They are so much fun. We got our new cage in the mail yesterday along with a ton of accessories thanks to an awesome auction on EBay!

The pet store lady told us we had a boy and a girl so we trusted her. But I didn't know which one was which. So when I got home I got online to a little chinchilla research. One article showed which is male and which is female so I decided to violate the chinchillas to see for sure. They hate being on their back or held upright so I had to look fast and they both looked exactly the same to me!

I told the boys that I was sorry but we wouldn't be having baby chinchillas because they were both girls. Tayton quickly informed me "Mom don't girls have babies? So since we have two girls won't we just have more babies than if we only had one girl?"

I really wasn't ready for that conversation just yet! So of course I just told him there has to be a boy too to help make the babies. He asked how? Grrr I thought I was off the hook. So of course I did what any mom like me would do. I lied! Well not technically. I told him that the boys have to give the girls some stuff that helps make the baby. But I wasn't about to go into the whole story. Isn't the dad supposed to have that talk with the boys in the family?

Luckily upon further investigation from my dear friend Amber we found out that Pikachu is indeed a male! Korbin is mad as hell that his chinchilla is a girl!

Where were you?

Today I'm sure everyone taken time to remember that day when Americans were brought together in fear, anger and wept for loved ones lost. We all had a million thoughts running through our heads as we sat in front of our televisions for hours and days on end. Waiting to hear that another person was discovered alive. Unfortunately many were not.

Many military wives cried as they answered the phone repeatedly throughout the day to hear that same question from concerned family and friends. For us they were mostly asking how the events of that day were going to affect Kirke as far as going to war. Unfortunately we had no answers for them.

I was sleeping when the first tower was hit. My phone rang at around 6am (Alaska is 4 hours behind Eastern Standard Time) and it was Kirke's grandmother. I had no idea what she was talking about so she told me to turn on the news. No need for the news since every channel was the same. I sat glued to the TV watching the days events unfold.

Tayton was two weeks old. I carried him around the entire day. I was afraid to put him down. I was afraid that if I did something might happen and I'd never hold him again. I thought about the families who had experienced that last goodbye with their family members and had no idea that's what it was going to be. I cried.

Before Tayton was born Kirke's family had bought us plane tickets to come home shortly after he was born to meet the family. Our tickets were for September 25th. Exactly two weeks after those planes had been hijacked. My son was one month old. We didn't want to fly. We were scared but we decided not to let our fear take over our lives. We took those flights and we overcame the fear. We visited our family and then flew back two weeks later.

Unfortunately 7 years later our family just like the rest of the country still suffers in our individual ways because of the terrorists. My family is separated by thousands of miles because of the need to keep the bad guys in their own country instead of having them attack us at home again. I'm proud of my soldier and I miss him terribly but I'm thankful that he along with so many others are brave enough to keep the battles away from those of us here at home.

God Bless the families of all the people lost in the September 11th attacks. God Bless the families of our troops and keep our troops safe.

Remember.

I Have Been Publicly Attacked

~Hope you didn't misread my title and think I got crabs lmao!!~

WELCOME!!!!



If you have been sent to my blog because a message that you read about me on iVillage I apologize. You probably came to my blog expecting me to be some horrible mean bitchy blogger but I'm not. If you came to take my Poll please hurry because I believe it closes soon. Please also note that my poll did not list names or even imply that someone may or may not have crossed that line cause I'm full of tact. Imagine that!



All of you who are clueless about this and would like to know the rest of the story (in my very best Paul Harvey voice) trust me it's not worth your time! Except that some very kind person emailed me to let me know that someone was bashing me on another website and they wanted me to know. And since that someone linked my blog to their "I hate Michelle" post I wanted to greet my new readers, teehee.



If you haven't taken my poll PLEASE do and be honest.



Don't worry I'm going to post a real post too. I've been working on it actually then I got all sidetracked and stuff.

Aww Thanks You Shouldn't Have

Today I received my very first blog awards! Sonya at A Spoon Full of Sugar picked little ole me for not one but TWO awards! The first one is below and comes with a few questions.

The one word questions are as follows:

1. Where is your cell phone? lifeline
2. Where is your significant other? Iraq
3. Your hair color? fake
4. Your mother? Michigan
5. Your father? Michigan
6. Your favorite thing? money
7. Your dream last night? none
8. Your dream/goal? Unity
9. The room you're in? awkward
10. Your hobby? blogging
11. Your fear? cows
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? his arms (I cheated I know!)
13. Where were you last night? alone
14. What you're not? motivated
15. One of your wish-list items? Time-machine
16. Where you grew up? Michigan
17. The last thing you did? eat
18. What are you wearing? clothes
19. Your TV? bulky
20. Your pets? needy
21. Your computer? lifeline
22. Your mood? sad
23. Missing someone? badly
24. Your car? despise
25. Something you're not wearing? shoes
26. Favorite store? old navy
27. Your summer? slow
28. Love someone? alot
29. Your favorite color? blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? earlier
31. Last time you cried? secret

Now I'm supposed to share this award and the next with seven bloggers I love love love! So here's the next award:

I read so many blogs so choosing seven is tough. I am going to do my best.

1. Tranny Head over at Law School Sucks and So Do Lawyers because she cracks me up every time I head over to visit her blog!

2. Tonya at A Day in My Life I choose you because you are so funny and I just read your Shopaholic post and laughed and I like to laugh!

3. Brandy at Lost in The Woods With Nowhere to Hide because if I don't she'll be sad and I like when she's happy. That's what friends are for!

4. Amber at Proud Army Wife and Momma of Two because she had to witness all the ZZ Top madness here LIVE with me (so did Brandy) and her eyes are still burning.

5. Karen at The Rocking Pony because her kids are so freakin cute and do silly things!

6. Damama at Damamma's At It Again. She has quite the crazy life and her latest post is very funny as she is now the President of the DBD. Go read it yourself I'm not leaking details here!

7. Laura~Peach~ at Silence is Broken. She is so flippin sweet and I love that you comment so often on my rants and raves! And she just found out she's gonna be a Grandma soon!

Now I'm off to help Amber. Because that's the kind of friend I am!

Meet the Newest "Best Style" Pokemon

We added two new family members to our already crazy chaotic world. I figured ah what the heck we need a little more excitement around here right?


My friend Wendy got two chinchilla's a while ago. She bought them while her hubby was at work on duty for 24 hours. Not to say he didn't know she was gonna get them but she is a fly by the seat of your pants, make decisions impulsively kinda girl like me! She called me and she said something along the lines of "hey have you ever heard of chinchillas? I think I might get one." I of course love to add fuel to the fire and she told me that there were two in the cage and she'd feel bad if she had to choose between them. My advice was that she'd better get them both of course because that makes sense in my little mind. She called me back a little bit later frantic because she had made another crazy choice and bought two chinchillas! Fast forward to the next morning when her husband came home from work and met the new furry family members. He called Wendy up and said "I'm holding the chimichanga's"!



Ever since then we have called them "chimichanga's"! It cracks me up! I can picture Neal standing there cuddled up to one of these:






We got some chimichanga's of our own! The boys and I are super excited about our new additions to the family. We got a boy and a girl. Betcha can't guess what the boys named them? Tayton named his Pikachu.

Ok that's a real Pikachu but can't you see the resemblence?

Blog readers meet Chimchar! Korbins favorite Pokemon and therefore the name of his Chimichanga!

It's Dr. Phil!!

we are at the drive in movie in Cuba. The movie started and it was the WB or MGM symbol or whichever one it was and Korbin got excited and yelled "It's Dr. Phil"!

He was truly happy to watch the big guy on the big screen!!

in real life we're watching the new animated Star Wars Clone Wars movie!

It's Official

You're probably thinking what's official? She officially lost her mind and is being committed? She officially realized it's inappropriate to take pictures of unknowing victims in public? She is officially going to be paying for years of therapy for her kids due to her parenting techniques? She's officially gonna stop blogging and boring all of us?

Good guesses but nope, none of those were right.

The correct response would be: She is officially a college graduate and has received her Associate in Arts of Paraprofessional Education!

Yay for me! I'll go on and do my bachelors later but for now I'm pretty happy about my AAPE. Hehe I love acronyms.

Here it is!

Vonage Horse Fighting

"Hey, Michelle. It's Karen. Could you please give me a call on my cellphone, XXX-XXXX. I need to talk to you for a second add up (from?) T-shirt. And also just kind a touch base with you real quick, so, we can set a time to go with the properties... a (horse fight?) for you. 573-XXX-XXXX anytime you can. Talk to you soon. Bye-bye. "

--- Brought to you by Vonage ---
This email was sent from a mailbox that does not accept replies.

This is our Relay For Life American Cancer Society Event Manager. I'm pretty sure we won't be having horse fights at this years Relay. I'm also not sure where the properties are going and why we should go with them. Can we really trust their motives?

Vonage Can't Transcribe This Message

Here is my last Vonaget Visual Voicemail:
(I think I need a new label just for these)

We're sorry. We were unable to transcribe this message. You will not be charged for this message.Please listen to your voicemail.

--- Brought to you by Vonage ---
This email was sent from a mailbox that does not accept replies.

LMAO!

Since I couldn't just add the sound clip I made you a little video. Here it is:

Do You Suppose...

Do you suppose that if I screamed like a crazy woman right when I tuck the boys in that they will go to sleep instead of screwing around until they make me mad and I have to scream like a crazy lunatic? I mean if we can cut out some of the madness and just get right to what works I'd be thrilled!

Tonight we read an entire Magic Tree House #24 Earthquakes in the Early Morning by Mary Pope Osborne.

Yep all 8 chapters because I was really into it they were being so good and listening so intently. They also brushed their teeth while I read aloud and then crawled into their beds. They pretended to be good little boys. When I said "you will go to sleep and not play around" they replied "yes ma'am". They also smiled and kissed me and hugged me good night. Off I went down to my chair to watch the Republican National Convention.

No sooner than I got comfy and cracked open a Diet Pepsi then the boys started showing their true colors! They start laughing and thumping around. They have the noisiest beds ever made so we hear every little roll let alone jumping around like they were on fire! Then the blankets came flying down the stairs and I nearly lost my mind!

So I'm going to start a new approach. Yep I'm gonna read them their stories after they take showers. They are going to brush their little teeth and I'm going to tuck their butts into bed and say "dear god" and smile when they ask God to keep their Daddy safe and to bless every Pokemon and rock and leaf and stick. I'll giggle a little when Tayton asks God to help him invent a machine that will make Pokemon real. They will finish their prayers and then I will hug and kiss each little angel. I'm going to leave the room and turn off the lights and tell them good night and that I love them and that Daddy loves them and misses them.

This is where the change is gonna happen. I'm not gonna come downstairs and get comfy in my chair. I'm not going to get a drink and maybe a snack. Nope I'm going to step out of their room, turn off the lights and take a deep breath. Then I'm going to turn right around and go in there and scream like a lunatic. Maybe this will speed up the falling asleep time? Maybe it will cost me a few more years of therapy for the boys. But at any cost it's got to be tried or I'll always wonder! Besides whats two or three more years of therapy in the grand scheme of things? I'm already figuring that my parenting strategies will cost me years of therapy anyhow!

ALL I WANT IS THIS: Or this:
Even this would do since I know he takes a lot longer to fall asleep than Cool Dude!
This would be fine. I don't mind the Spiderman costume OR the pink bunny doll, nope all that matters to me is closed mouths eyes and sweet dreams!
This would be okay too. Bear and moose need buddies to sleep with too right?
What I don't want is to lose my voice because if that happens I'm screwed!

Day 12: The First Call Home From A Teacher

"Hey Michelle, it's (Roxanne?). I just wanted to let you know that I look at Rey at the end of the day and (??) time to (??) (glue?) in his ear from his glue bottle. So if wanna give me a call you can (630623?). As far as I know (??) got in it. But you got a way if I could talk to you today. Okay, bye."

--- Brought to you by Vonage ---
This email was sent from a mailbox that does not accept replies.




This was my message on my Vonage Visual voicemail when we got home this afternoon. I was very confused for obvious reasons. So I listened to the message. And it was very understandable in audio format but I remain confused. The reason for my confusion is that this is what the message actually said:



"Hey Michelle it's Ruth-Ann. I just wanted to let you know that I looked up today at the end of the day and Tayton was trying to put glue in his ear from his glue bottle. So if you wanna give me a call you can. As far as I know none got in it but you got away before I could talk to you about it after school today. Okay Bye."



Of course when I read the message I called Korbin in and asked him if he put glue in his ear today. He was also confused. Then I clicked to hear the message and as it started playing Tayton chimes in:


T: "the bottle was shut so I didn't actually try"


Me: "That's technically true but was the glue bottle in your ear?"


T: silence, no response in fact I'm not even sure he's breathing


Me: "I need to know why the glue bottle was in your ear so I can blog about it because that's strange."


T: "For no reason"


Me: "were you just being silly?"


T: "Mom don't you know those two boys that sit right there (making hand movements) I was trying to make them laugh."


Me: "Ok that makes perfect sense to me now, thanks for clearing that up and from now on lets keep our school supplies out of our ears, nose, mouths and our eyes!"


T: giggling "okay"

He Wants To Buy Me a Ring

Today during breakfast Tayton was eating a yogurt and reading the box. He read that he could win $10,000! He's very excited and certain that since we bought two boxes of yogurt that his chances of winning are really good!

I asked him what he would do with the money.

Tayton: I'm gonna buy some Pokemon!

Me: That's it?

Tayton: Hmm....Lego's? No Pokemon are much more useful!

Me: Okay

Tayton: I might even buy you a ring!

Me: Really??

Tayton: Yeah you know that at El Jimadors in those machines they even have one that has rings in it and I might even buy you one or even two!

Jackpot! Boy I sure hope he wins so that I don't have to waste my own quarter on a new ring! He's quite generous!

ZZ Topless Take Two

Ok before you read further you have to go read my first edition of ZZ Topless here.







Alright I trust you're only reading further because you followed the above instructions right? Ok good!

Now let's move on!

I had a great time at the first ZZ Top concert I went to back in May at Ft Knox, KY with my good friend Wendy! Blind Melon opened for them and that was super. BUT here at the Fort the opening band was Bowling For Soup! I love love love me some Bowling For Soup! No that's not a charity function raising money for the homeless! They are absolutely hilarious! I love to listen to their cd and I just laugh and laugh at their smart ass comments in random places!


The concert was no exception. They would be busting out a song and stop in the middle to make a comment about someone in the crowd or an ex girlfriend! It was great! They were super interactive with the crowd and we had a blast!


Ten ZZ Top came out did their thing they were good, but were much more personable in KY actually. They didn't even take a minute to acknowlege being at an Army Post or the crowds of soldiers to the left of the stage in uniform. They just did their songs and were gone. At Ft Knox there was more of them talking to each other and the crowd. It was odd to me.




And what you've all been waiting for.....which state had the worst dressed, crazy acting people?




Well first let me tell you that while at the Ft Knox concert I felt as though trailer parks had spewed their worst tenants into the crowd, often without time to get dressed first. I expected much of the same in MO.


Now don't get me wrong, there were lots of crazy looking people here too. But I did not see one single set of pierced man boobs, in fact I think the trend here was for the men to keep their clothes on......nice in my opinion! Thank you Missouri Men!


Unfortunately for most but fortunately for me because I had my camera ready, there were plenty of badly dressed women! One woman I couldn't get pictures of because she just wouldn't hold still was wearing a floral or paisley print skirt, a paisley or floral top but they didn't match and had pig tails and bangs. Yep that's right and lets play guess her age......over 55 I'm sure! It was so funny. Poor thing needs better friends to say "hey you look foolish!"


Ok on to the ones I did get pictures of, woohoo for crazy wild women!


The girls and I being dumb!
I know, I know you didn't come here to check out our shoes but aren't they cute?


These two made a lovely couple oh yes they did!

This lady was probably on the upside of 55-60ish and wearing a hot pink tube top style thingy. It was creepy! I'd be embarrassed if that was my mom, grandma, sister, Brandy, or even Amber!
This old gal was serious about her love of Rock N Roll! She had the classic 80's style slashed up tshirt! It's hard to get the full affect from these poor quality camera phone pics but you get the idea right?

Notice the lady in the white above. It was a white and had some tie dye print on it. But she had cut the sleeves off and with her short hair she looks like she could kick some serious butt, even if she is a sweet old retired gal!


This lady here, well, it speaks for itself! Complete with the silver snaps on the neck holder upper strappy thing! I think I saw this outfit in the Hefty Bag section.

You all know that I love a good mohawk (or Mohog if you're name is Cool Dude) but this guy just wasn't cutting it. He wasn't cool enough, it was screwed up something fierce and the pink turned to a whitish color and the sides and back weren't kept up, to be honest it was just a disaster on his ugly little head!
This kid had a good time that's for sure. I'm certain his outfit was in an attempt to mock the die hard 70's style fans. But he was a walking fashion disaster too. Just a little funnier knowing that he did not think he looked great he was just having fun...I hope.

This lady was letting the good times ROLL! Come on do you really think that looks good? And even worse do your grand kids think that looks good? My boys would say "mommy don't you think that is kind of, you know, ugly?"

I did not expect to see the pleather tank top/skirt outfit considering it was oh, only 90 degrees out!

This gal (because she's hardly a lady and gal is what my grandma calls her friends) in the red bikini. She wasn't really old but she looked rough, very umm broken in if you will, this was at the gate on our way into the area where the concert was held.
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Are you ready for the best one?
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I'm not sure you can handle this..... I had difficulties. In fact I recall yelling a few things that may have sounded like "put on some clothes" but was actually "glad you have such high self-esteem".
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Okay you asked for it......

I want you to really look at this picture. Notice the guy in the blue jersey. He is the boyfriend/husband figure. See how tiny his legs are? See how little he is? She is taller than him even. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's okay with me if you're taller/bigger than your man. Unless of course you're gonna require him to do this:
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OH YEAH! He was hurting! He would hold her up for a few minutes, like half a song, then he'd tap her on the thigh which we learned means: "help I'm dying, get off of me!"

It's crazy really! I understand that there is a time and place for certain outfits. If kirke were here and we were off to a Toby Keith concert he'd dig out his old wrangler, oversized belt buckle and cowboy boots and hat. But that's a classis country style. And they aren't the same ones he wore when he was 20 which certainly by now would not fit anymore. Apparently neither did theirs. I wonder how on Earth she even got into those shorts, I think they were shorts? But I also wonder why her man didn't say "hey baby I love you but there is no way you should wear that outfit in public, ever, end of conversation".

And off the subject of the concert but equally funny. We went to the lions den after the concert to have some laughs. On the way out I nearly screamed and peed when I was minding my own business and walked past this car and I saw something move inside.

This creepy man sleeping inside this car while whomever he was with went inside the lions den. Of course my first reaction was to grab my camera and try not to get caught snapping a picture of him! Strange. Creepy. Strange.

Pool Parties and Splash Zone Make for a Wet Weekend

We had a busy busy busy holiday weekend. The kids were out of school for three days and we had a good time. Saturday night the batallion had a FRG pool party from 8-10pm. It was nice because only about 8-10 moms showed up with kids so we had lots of room to play.



All of our kids (Brandy and Ambers included) have learned so much and have all conquered fears in the water this summer. My boys went from not wanting to get their faces wet to jumping off the diving board, going down water slides and even swimming under water! We plan to continue taking the kids to the pool all year at the indoor pool. Maybe when the dad's come home we can take a trip to Big Surf Waterpark!



Here are some videos and pictures of Tayton and Korbin. I'll leave it to the other girls to post the ones of thier kiddo's.

Here's a video of Tayton's trick!


After Tayton had gone off the low dive a few times he said to me "mom don't you think I'm ready to try the high dive now?" I said "umm do you think you're ready for the high dive yet" to my relief he replied "no I don't think so" and I agreed!

And this is Korbin being brave!

Tayton after he got very brave!

Korbin in the 14 ft deep waters.

Me and Tate on Satuday being hams!

Tayton with his boat at splash zone in the "whirlpool".

Korbin swimming out of the whirlpool!

Now I'm off to check out the ZZ Top pictures and start that post!