Aww Thanks You Shouldn't Have

Today I received my very first blog awards! Sonya at A Spoon Full of Sugar picked little ole me for not one but TWO awards! The first one is below and comes with a few questions.

The one word questions are as follows:

1. Where is your cell phone? lifeline
2. Where is your significant other? Iraq
3. Your hair color? fake
4. Your mother? Michigan
5. Your father? Michigan
6. Your favorite thing? money
7. Your dream last night? none
8. Your dream/goal? Unity
9. The room you're in? awkward
10. Your hobby? blogging
11. Your fear? cows
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? his arms (I cheated I know!)
13. Where were you last night? alone
14. What you're not? motivated
15. One of your wish-list items? Time-machine
16. Where you grew up? Michigan
17. The last thing you did? eat
18. What are you wearing? clothes
19. Your TV? bulky
20. Your pets? needy
21. Your computer? lifeline
22. Your mood? sad
23. Missing someone? badly
24. Your car? despise
25. Something you're not wearing? shoes
26. Favorite store? old navy
27. Your summer? slow
28. Love someone? alot
29. Your favorite color? blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? earlier
31. Last time you cried? secret

Now I'm supposed to share this award and the next with seven bloggers I love love love! So here's the next award:

I read so many blogs so choosing seven is tough. I am going to do my best.

1. Tranny Head over at Law School Sucks and So Do Lawyers because she cracks me up every time I head over to visit her blog!

2. Tonya at A Day in My Life I choose you because you are so funny and I just read your Shopaholic post and laughed and I like to laugh!

3. Brandy at Lost in The Woods With Nowhere to Hide because if I don't she'll be sad and I like when she's happy. That's what friends are for!

4. Amber at Proud Army Wife and Momma of Two because she had to witness all the ZZ Top madness here LIVE with me (so did Brandy) and her eyes are still burning.

5. Karen at The Rocking Pony because her kids are so freakin cute and do silly things!

6. Damama at Damamma's At It Again. She has quite the crazy life and her latest post is very funny as she is now the President of the DBD. Go read it yourself I'm not leaking details here!

7. Laura~Peach~ at Silence is Broken. She is so flippin sweet and I love that you comment so often on my rants and raves! And she just found out she's gonna be a Grandma soon!

Now I'm off to help Amber. Because that's the kind of friend I am!

Meet the Newest "Best Style" Pokemon

We added two new family members to our already crazy chaotic world. I figured ah what the heck we need a little more excitement around here right?


My friend Wendy got two chinchilla's a while ago. She bought them while her hubby was at work on duty for 24 hours. Not to say he didn't know she was gonna get them but she is a fly by the seat of your pants, make decisions impulsively kinda girl like me! She called me and she said something along the lines of "hey have you ever heard of chinchillas? I think I might get one." I of course love to add fuel to the fire and she told me that there were two in the cage and she'd feel bad if she had to choose between them. My advice was that she'd better get them both of course because that makes sense in my little mind. She called me back a little bit later frantic because she had made another crazy choice and bought two chinchillas! Fast forward to the next morning when her husband came home from work and met the new furry family members. He called Wendy up and said "I'm holding the chimichanga's"!



Ever since then we have called them "chimichanga's"! It cracks me up! I can picture Neal standing there cuddled up to one of these:






We got some chimichanga's of our own! The boys and I are super excited about our new additions to the family. We got a boy and a girl. Betcha can't guess what the boys named them? Tayton named his Pikachu.

Ok that's a real Pikachu but can't you see the resemblence?

Blog readers meet Chimchar! Korbins favorite Pokemon and therefore the name of his Chimichanga!

It's Dr. Phil!!

we are at the drive in movie in Cuba. The movie started and it was the WB or MGM symbol or whichever one it was and Korbin got excited and yelled "It's Dr. Phil"!

He was truly happy to watch the big guy on the big screen!!

in real life we're watching the new animated Star Wars Clone Wars movie!

It's Official

You're probably thinking what's official? She officially lost her mind and is being committed? She officially realized it's inappropriate to take pictures of unknowing victims in public? She is officially going to be paying for years of therapy for her kids due to her parenting techniques? She's officially gonna stop blogging and boring all of us?

Good guesses but nope, none of those were right.

The correct response would be: She is officially a college graduate and has received her Associate in Arts of Paraprofessional Education!

Yay for me! I'll go on and do my bachelors later but for now I'm pretty happy about my AAPE. Hehe I love acronyms.

Here it is!

Vonage Horse Fighting

"Hey, Michelle. It's Karen. Could you please give me a call on my cellphone, XXX-XXXX. I need to talk to you for a second add up (from?) T-shirt. And also just kind a touch base with you real quick, so, we can set a time to go with the properties... a (horse fight?) for you. 573-XXX-XXXX anytime you can. Talk to you soon. Bye-bye. "

--- Brought to you by Vonage ---
This email was sent from a mailbox that does not accept replies.

This is our Relay For Life American Cancer Society Event Manager. I'm pretty sure we won't be having horse fights at this years Relay. I'm also not sure where the properties are going and why we should go with them. Can we really trust their motives?

Vonage Can't Transcribe This Message

Here is my last Vonaget Visual Voicemail:
(I think I need a new label just for these)

We're sorry. We were unable to transcribe this message. You will not be charged for this message.Please listen to your voicemail.

--- Brought to you by Vonage ---
This email was sent from a mailbox that does not accept replies.

LMAO!

Since I couldn't just add the sound clip I made you a little video. Here it is:

Do You Suppose...

Do you suppose that if I screamed like a crazy woman right when I tuck the boys in that they will go to sleep instead of screwing around until they make me mad and I have to scream like a crazy lunatic? I mean if we can cut out some of the madness and just get right to what works I'd be thrilled!

Tonight we read an entire Magic Tree House #24 Earthquakes in the Early Morning by Mary Pope Osborne.

Yep all 8 chapters because I was really into it they were being so good and listening so intently. They also brushed their teeth while I read aloud and then crawled into their beds. They pretended to be good little boys. When I said "you will go to sleep and not play around" they replied "yes ma'am". They also smiled and kissed me and hugged me good night. Off I went down to my chair to watch the Republican National Convention.

No sooner than I got comfy and cracked open a Diet Pepsi then the boys started showing their true colors! They start laughing and thumping around. They have the noisiest beds ever made so we hear every little roll let alone jumping around like they were on fire! Then the blankets came flying down the stairs and I nearly lost my mind!

So I'm going to start a new approach. Yep I'm gonna read them their stories after they take showers. They are going to brush their little teeth and I'm going to tuck their butts into bed and say "dear god" and smile when they ask God to keep their Daddy safe and to bless every Pokemon and rock and leaf and stick. I'll giggle a little when Tayton asks God to help him invent a machine that will make Pokemon real. They will finish their prayers and then I will hug and kiss each little angel. I'm going to leave the room and turn off the lights and tell them good night and that I love them and that Daddy loves them and misses them.

This is where the change is gonna happen. I'm not gonna come downstairs and get comfy in my chair. I'm not going to get a drink and maybe a snack. Nope I'm going to step out of their room, turn off the lights and take a deep breath. Then I'm going to turn right around and go in there and scream like a lunatic. Maybe this will speed up the falling asleep time? Maybe it will cost me a few more years of therapy for the boys. But at any cost it's got to be tried or I'll always wonder! Besides whats two or three more years of therapy in the grand scheme of things? I'm already figuring that my parenting strategies will cost me years of therapy anyhow!

ALL I WANT IS THIS: Or this:
Even this would do since I know he takes a lot longer to fall asleep than Cool Dude!
This would be fine. I don't mind the Spiderman costume OR the pink bunny doll, nope all that matters to me is closed mouths eyes and sweet dreams!
This would be okay too. Bear and moose need buddies to sleep with too right?
What I don't want is to lose my voice because if that happens I'm screwed!

Day 12: The First Call Home From A Teacher

"Hey Michelle, it's (Roxanne?). I just wanted to let you know that I look at Rey at the end of the day and (??) time to (??) (glue?) in his ear from his glue bottle. So if wanna give me a call you can (630623?). As far as I know (??) got in it. But you got a way if I could talk to you today. Okay, bye."

--- Brought to you by Vonage ---
This email was sent from a mailbox that does not accept replies.




This was my message on my Vonage Visual voicemail when we got home this afternoon. I was very confused for obvious reasons. So I listened to the message. And it was very understandable in audio format but I remain confused. The reason for my confusion is that this is what the message actually said:



"Hey Michelle it's Ruth-Ann. I just wanted to let you know that I looked up today at the end of the day and Tayton was trying to put glue in his ear from his glue bottle. So if you wanna give me a call you can. As far as I know none got in it but you got away before I could talk to you about it after school today. Okay Bye."



Of course when I read the message I called Korbin in and asked him if he put glue in his ear today. He was also confused. Then I clicked to hear the message and as it started playing Tayton chimes in:


T: "the bottle was shut so I didn't actually try"


Me: "That's technically true but was the glue bottle in your ear?"


T: silence, no response in fact I'm not even sure he's breathing


Me: "I need to know why the glue bottle was in your ear so I can blog about it because that's strange."


T: "For no reason"


Me: "were you just being silly?"


T: "Mom don't you know those two boys that sit right there (making hand movements) I was trying to make them laugh."


Me: "Ok that makes perfect sense to me now, thanks for clearing that up and from now on lets keep our school supplies out of our ears, nose, mouths and our eyes!"


T: giggling "okay"

He Wants To Buy Me a Ring

Today during breakfast Tayton was eating a yogurt and reading the box. He read that he could win $10,000! He's very excited and certain that since we bought two boxes of yogurt that his chances of winning are really good!

I asked him what he would do with the money.

Tayton: I'm gonna buy some Pokemon!

Me: That's it?

Tayton: Hmm....Lego's? No Pokemon are much more useful!

Me: Okay

Tayton: I might even buy you a ring!

Me: Really??

Tayton: Yeah you know that at El Jimadors in those machines they even have one that has rings in it and I might even buy you one or even two!

Jackpot! Boy I sure hope he wins so that I don't have to waste my own quarter on a new ring! He's quite generous!

ZZ Topless Take Two

Ok before you read further you have to go read my first edition of ZZ Topless here.







Alright I trust you're only reading further because you followed the above instructions right? Ok good!

Now let's move on!

I had a great time at the first ZZ Top concert I went to back in May at Ft Knox, KY with my good friend Wendy! Blind Melon opened for them and that was super. BUT here at the Fort the opening band was Bowling For Soup! I love love love me some Bowling For Soup! No that's not a charity function raising money for the homeless! They are absolutely hilarious! I love to listen to their cd and I just laugh and laugh at their smart ass comments in random places!


The concert was no exception. They would be busting out a song and stop in the middle to make a comment about someone in the crowd or an ex girlfriend! It was great! They were super interactive with the crowd and we had a blast!


Ten ZZ Top came out did their thing they were good, but were much more personable in KY actually. They didn't even take a minute to acknowlege being at an Army Post or the crowds of soldiers to the left of the stage in uniform. They just did their songs and were gone. At Ft Knox there was more of them talking to each other and the crowd. It was odd to me.




And what you've all been waiting for.....which state had the worst dressed, crazy acting people?




Well first let me tell you that while at the Ft Knox concert I felt as though trailer parks had spewed their worst tenants into the crowd, often without time to get dressed first. I expected much of the same in MO.


Now don't get me wrong, there were lots of crazy looking people here too. But I did not see one single set of pierced man boobs, in fact I think the trend here was for the men to keep their clothes on......nice in my opinion! Thank you Missouri Men!


Unfortunately for most but fortunately for me because I had my camera ready, there were plenty of badly dressed women! One woman I couldn't get pictures of because she just wouldn't hold still was wearing a floral or paisley print skirt, a paisley or floral top but they didn't match and had pig tails and bangs. Yep that's right and lets play guess her age......over 55 I'm sure! It was so funny. Poor thing needs better friends to say "hey you look foolish!"


Ok on to the ones I did get pictures of, woohoo for crazy wild women!


The girls and I being dumb!
I know, I know you didn't come here to check out our shoes but aren't they cute?


These two made a lovely couple oh yes they did!

This lady was probably on the upside of 55-60ish and wearing a hot pink tube top style thingy. It was creepy! I'd be embarrassed if that was my mom, grandma, sister, Brandy, or even Amber!
This old gal was serious about her love of Rock N Roll! She had the classic 80's style slashed up tshirt! It's hard to get the full affect from these poor quality camera phone pics but you get the idea right?

Notice the lady in the white above. It was a white and had some tie dye print on it. But she had cut the sleeves off and with her short hair she looks like she could kick some serious butt, even if she is a sweet old retired gal!


This lady here, well, it speaks for itself! Complete with the silver snaps on the neck holder upper strappy thing! I think I saw this outfit in the Hefty Bag section.

You all know that I love a good mohawk (or Mohog if you're name is Cool Dude) but this guy just wasn't cutting it. He wasn't cool enough, it was screwed up something fierce and the pink turned to a whitish color and the sides and back weren't kept up, to be honest it was just a disaster on his ugly little head!
This kid had a good time that's for sure. I'm certain his outfit was in an attempt to mock the die hard 70's style fans. But he was a walking fashion disaster too. Just a little funnier knowing that he did not think he looked great he was just having fun...I hope.

This lady was letting the good times ROLL! Come on do you really think that looks good? And even worse do your grand kids think that looks good? My boys would say "mommy don't you think that is kind of, you know, ugly?"

I did not expect to see the pleather tank top/skirt outfit considering it was oh, only 90 degrees out!

This gal (because she's hardly a lady and gal is what my grandma calls her friends) in the red bikini. She wasn't really old but she looked rough, very umm broken in if you will, this was at the gate on our way into the area where the concert was held.
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Are you ready for the best one?
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I'm not sure you can handle this..... I had difficulties. In fact I recall yelling a few things that may have sounded like "put on some clothes" but was actually "glad you have such high self-esteem".
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Okay you asked for it......

I want you to really look at this picture. Notice the guy in the blue jersey. He is the boyfriend/husband figure. See how tiny his legs are? See how little he is? She is taller than him even. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's okay with me if you're taller/bigger than your man. Unless of course you're gonna require him to do this:
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OH YEAH! He was hurting! He would hold her up for a few minutes, like half a song, then he'd tap her on the thigh which we learned means: "help I'm dying, get off of me!"

It's crazy really! I understand that there is a time and place for certain outfits. If kirke were here and we were off to a Toby Keith concert he'd dig out his old wrangler, oversized belt buckle and cowboy boots and hat. But that's a classis country style. And they aren't the same ones he wore when he was 20 which certainly by now would not fit anymore. Apparently neither did theirs. I wonder how on Earth she even got into those shorts, I think they were shorts? But I also wonder why her man didn't say "hey baby I love you but there is no way you should wear that outfit in public, ever, end of conversation".

And off the subject of the concert but equally funny. We went to the lions den after the concert to have some laughs. On the way out I nearly screamed and peed when I was minding my own business and walked past this car and I saw something move inside.

This creepy man sleeping inside this car while whomever he was with went inside the lions den. Of course my first reaction was to grab my camera and try not to get caught snapping a picture of him! Strange. Creepy. Strange.

Pool Parties and Splash Zone Make for a Wet Weekend

We had a busy busy busy holiday weekend. The kids were out of school for three days and we had a good time. Saturday night the batallion had a FRG pool party from 8-10pm. It was nice because only about 8-10 moms showed up with kids so we had lots of room to play.



All of our kids (Brandy and Ambers included) have learned so much and have all conquered fears in the water this summer. My boys went from not wanting to get their faces wet to jumping off the diving board, going down water slides and even swimming under water! We plan to continue taking the kids to the pool all year at the indoor pool. Maybe when the dad's come home we can take a trip to Big Surf Waterpark!



Here are some videos and pictures of Tayton and Korbin. I'll leave it to the other girls to post the ones of thier kiddo's.

Here's a video of Tayton's trick!


After Tayton had gone off the low dive a few times he said to me "mom don't you think I'm ready to try the high dive now?" I said "umm do you think you're ready for the high dive yet" to my relief he replied "no I don't think so" and I agreed!

And this is Korbin being brave!

Tayton after he got very brave!

Korbin in the 14 ft deep waters.

Me and Tate on Satuday being hams!

Tayton with his boat at splash zone in the "whirlpool".

Korbin swimming out of the whirlpool!

Now I'm off to check out the ZZ Top pictures and start that post!

How Did the Rain Get In Here?

My van is spazzy. Yep spazzy! My kids are too. So is my husband and I suppose I have spazzy tendencies as well. But the van went too far this time. I have this window problem. I roll it up, it goes back down a few inches. I hold the button for a few seconds after its up and it still rolls back down when I take my hand off the button. I turn off the car and because the windows still work when the cars off till you open the door guess what happens? Yep it rolls back down!



No big deal most of the time, just annoying. I do have a garage but it's been a disaster since we lifted up the front of the van and just let the contents slide out onto the floor of the garage after Relay. I'm pretty sure that's the only way it could have ended up that way! So, I've been parking outside.



I went to take the boys to school on Friday and I heard: "How did the rain get inside the van?" Followed by wild hyena style laughter because that had to have been the funniest thing they had ever seen! Yep there was rain inside the van. The irony of it is that when I went to bed Thursday night it was storming. I saw that my empty trash can had been blown out in the yard a few feet from where it should have been but oh well. I also worried because I had put the recycle bin and trash can out before bed too. I was worried the recycling stuff would be blown down the street and water logged. However I did not worry that there would be gallons and gallons of water on my driver seat and steering column as well as any other fabric covered surface capable of absorbing water near the driver seat in the van!

Let me demonstrate the problem:

The result was me sitting on a stack of towels and getting my leg soaked if it brushed against the door at any given moment of the day. Super, just freakin super!

You Have Got to See This

I had a guy visit my blog so of course I went to visit his. I watched this VIDEO on his blog and about laughed myself death. Now I know how my husband spends his days in Iraq!

Stop by and get a good laugh! This video will make your day!

***UPDATE: I fixed the linky problem! Hope you love it!

Why It's On The Box

~~~Warning: David you aren't gonna wanna see this last picture so let Elizabeth tell you about this blog it's a little too graphic for family eyes, sorry~~

Today I bought these new shelves for the boys room. I have hope that this might encourage them to keep their room a little cleaner. Maybe. I can hope right! Well Brandy and I were laughing at the picture on the box that says this is what you need to assemble these shelves:
That's right. I have to wear a shirt, one sock and use a screw driver.

I got it! I'm ready to work!

So I went to work. I put together the first set of shelves that is this 9 cubby thingy-ma-bobber that went together pretty easily. But then the second set didn't like me so much!

This is what happened to me! No I'm not flashing you! I leaned over to push the two boards together and the damn thing attacked me! And just think of the damage that could have been done had I not followed directions and wore my shirt and one sock! Thank god my toes are okay!

What Should I Choose?

I have a major dilemma! It's almost time for the ZZ Top concert at the Fort. If you haven't read this post please do so before going on....I'll wait here....Ok you're back? Good I was getting bored and God only knows I might do if I'm bored!

Ok so anyhow, I was not dressed appropriately for the last concert. I was wearing a fitted yet modest tshirt (until I put my new ZZ Top gear over it that is) and a pair of jeans or capri's. Probably capri's. I need to feel like I belong there this time. If I look like THEM maybe they will feel safe around me and come a little closer (as long as no one touches me) and I will get much better pictures this time.

So which outfit do you think I should wear? I am sure any of these will be suitable so whichever ones I don't wear Amber and Brandy will be sporting at the concert!

Option #1

I think Amber would look fabulous in this outfit!

Option #2

Brandy would look HOT in this outfit! Yep I can see it now!

Option #3

Couldn't you picture me Rockin out in my electric blue jeans tucked into my boots?

Option #4

Here's another option that would certainly help us blend with the other groupies!

Option #5 & #6

In case the girls don't feel like wearing skirts of course! I think they would both look great in the leopard print pants but what do I know? I was only 10 1/2 when the 80's were over.

And none of our outfits would be complete without these accessories:

And of course we will all be sporting this because there's not time to get a real one between now and Sunday!

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They Had A Plan

I know that most things that happen in my house, regardless of how crazy it might be, happen for a reason. There is a purpose behind every cup of water sitting on the floor by each leg of the kitchen table. There is a reason my keys are in the windowsill instead of in my purse. There is even a very good explanation behind throwing rocks into the dryer!

Just like everything else that goes on inside these walls there is reason behind what I found this morning on the way out to take the kids to school:

Me: Why is there cheese right there?

Tayton and Korbin: Because we wanted to melt it to make cheese sauce!

OH right, silly me! Of course that's what they are doing! That makes perfect sense! We do only have two microwaves and it has been forever since I made them cheese dip a couple days ago! It only makes sense that throwing a slice of individually wrapped cheese out in the sun is the easiest way to make cheese sauce!

Another Vonage Visual Voicemail Flub

"This is a forward letter with (Tri Care?) calling for to speak to the parents of (Kate and Beth?). If you could please give us a call back at 866-299-4234. We're calling to schedule an appointment for him. Thank you. "


--- Brought to you by Vonage ---
This email was sent from a mailbox that does not accept replies.



Translated this is what it should say:



This is the Fort Leonard Wood Tricare office calling to speak to the parents of Tayton Best. If you could please give us a call back at 866-299-4234. We're calling to schedule an appointment for him. Thank you."

Lmao that Tayton Best sounds like "Kate and Beth". Too funny! He'd die if he knew that! Poor kid!

I Will Not Eat Green Fish and Chips

I cooked the kids popcorn fish for dinner. They were at the commissary being prepared by a gourmet chef in a chefs hat and all when we went grocery shopping last time. I try to go on days that there are plenty of samples so I don't have to make lunch. Unfortunately that only happens on paydays at the military commissaries so it's always crazy busy!

This lady tried to offer me a tasty morsel of fins, gills and fish slime (or popcorn shrimp to the normal person) and I quickly shoved the little blond boys toward her outstretched hand because I can't stand fish! I will catch it, clean it and cook it but I am not going to eat it! The boys and Kirke like fish though so they tried it, loved it, went back to get more (because they knew there would be no lunch on this particular day). Then I felt obligated to buy a box because A. they loved them and B. I would have felt guilty if I didn't because they always watch you out of the corner of their beady little eyes to see if you just stopped to steal her samples, enjoy them and go on your way of if you sampled because you might like to buy some.

I cooked the popcorn chicken tonight because I felt they deserved a little gourmet cooking and I planned on eating Ben and Jerry's a salad for dinner. They were sitting at the table eating like the little angels they aren't when Tayton says "Mom what's this green thing in my fish?" I looked and didn't see anything green. He said "I think there's something green inside this one too". As if he has super powers that allow him to see straight through breaded fried foods, it's amazing really! He opened it up, which by the way, lets not dissect food because it makes it even less appealing! He said to me "see that green right there, why is it green?"

I looked and then it dawned on me, my little Tayton is colorblind and his red/brown/greens are tough on him. He saw the brown areas of the fish and to his eyes it was green. He knows that fish should not be green and he was not eating green fish! I'm not sure that fish is supposed to have brown in it either! I'm with him, lets not eat that junk! Korbin had seconds of green popcorn fish!

Dinner was over.