This weekend I had four extra adults and four extra boys join us for the weekend. My Mother in Law and sister in law along with my 6 and 9 year old nephews got here Thursday. Then Friday my Best Friend Melissa (since I was 7) along with her boyfriend and 8 and 10 year old boys arrived. We all had fun at Relay and then on Saturday headed off to the water park.
I heard from Kirke on Thursday when he sent me a brief email saying he was super busy and would call/IM asap. I didn't hear from him again other than a shorter email saying he slept on top of his wrecker until Monday.
I had a houseful of people. I was busier than I've ever been in my entire life but I felt so incredibly alone. It was as though we had tons of people we love and miss and haven't seen a long time here with us but there was something missing. My Kirke wasn't here and it's hard to be around happy people who you know are missing him too but are afraid to say it out loud because no one wants to upset you. His mom didn't even hardly ask about him or talk about him at all. It sucked. My friends here get it because they are going through it but to see my best friend with her new boyfriend and seeing all that new love unfolding is hard. The playfulness and stolen glances are bittersweet to see. You see, I want nothing more than for her to meet someone, settle down and be done on the dating scene with a man she really loves. Maybe this is it. I hope so. But It's kinda like sitting at a table when you're on a diet eating lettuce when everyone else has your favorite dish that you just slaved over making and you can't have it!
I can't understand the feeling of solitude when you have so many people who love you right there beside you. I would expect that having company would make me happier for a few days. It did, it really did but it also made me more aware of how much I miss Kirke. Then on Sunday they all left at the same time. My heart broke as I hugged them all goodbye. We got in the car and drove home in tears again. I feel like everyone is always leaving us behind. I think if I didn't hate it here so much maybe I wouldn't be so sad and miserable.
Kirke I love you and I miss you much baby! Days like these the make the next year we'll be apart seem impossible to get through.
My Real Life Army Brats
Those are not Taytons legs, look closely! And if you can't figure it out click on the picture!
11 August 2008
Alone in a Crowded House
Posted by My Two Army Brats at 9:57 PM
Labels: deployment, military life
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7 comments:
hugssssssssss
Laura
It's a chapter in your life...
Pray Hard! Stay Strong!
~AirmanMom returning to her blog...
That post almost made me cry. I can't even imagine what that must feel like and I admire your strength. I hope you will get through that year ok.
I think it was harder cause it was Kirkes family there with you and thats prolly why you felt so alone. Next time tell them they cant leave all at once.
We will make it thru the next year cause we have to ... but know you can always vent to me or Amber we totally get it. (((((BIG HUGS)))))
I so want to get run next door and give you the biggest hug in the whole wide world. I love ya oodles of noodles and you're never alone... you've got the other girls, me, and all of my friendly ticks to hug and love you. Take a deep breath, cry, and know that like all other things, the year will come to an end and you'll hold your Kirke again.
Hugs,
Me
(((hugs))) I'm sorry your having a hard time and I so understand being alone in a room full of people.
I hope today is a better day....
I totally understand what you are saying. I think the hardest part for me is going to the reserves. I only see most of these people once a month so every time they have to ask "Is your husband home" and I just think that's a dumb question if he was home I sure as heck wouldn't be here..
Everyday is different sometimes I want to talk and sometimes not. I am thankful for my friends that are going thought the same things they always understand.
I am always here if you need me
oooo Amanda oooo
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